


A Light Left On

by VivianKnorr



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:06:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VivianKnorr/pseuds/VivianKnorr
Summary: “Craig’s here?” Tweek breathed out.Kenny and Butters both flipped their heads back in unison. If Craig didn’t know he was there, he sure did now.Craig returns to South Park after abruptly moving 14 years ago. While Craig appears to have moved on, there is still a hole in Tweek's heart that never fully healed.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch
Comments: 205
Kudos: 363





	1. Chapter 1

“…and be eternally grateful that Scott was a part of our lives.”

The pastor paused then glanced up at the church filled with mourners.

“You’re all welcome to cross into the banquet hall and have lunch provided by the Malkinson family.”

A murmur filled the melancholic space and the crowd started to dissipate. Tweek stayed sitting in the pew. His eyes were wet with tears as he stared at the dated school photo of Scott, the frame of the picture was adorned by a colorful array of flowers. The hall fell silent and Tweek walked over to the closed casket. He brushed his hand over one of the flowers and traced his finger over the delicate petals. He lingered there in silence before dragging his feet into the banquet hall.

The sun shined through the stained-glass windows and cast colorful prisms of light onto the white tablecloths. The scent of baked ziti and coffee wafted over to him but he hadn’t had much of an appetite. He can’t remember if he’s eaten at all since Scott first went into his diabetic coma.

A high wave from the crowd drew his gaze from the floor. Butters’s outstretched arm was flailing in the air. Despite the sorrowful tribute they all sat through, he still had a bright smile on his face.

Tweek sat down next to his friend and hung his head. Kenny moved a Styrofoam cup of coffee in front of him with a somber smile.

“That was a beautiful service,” Butters said like a greeting. Those were always the first words uttered after a funeral, as if saying anything else would be disrespectful in some way.

“Yeah,” Tweek replied. He lacked the energy to add anything else. The world was darker as the heaviness of Scott’s death weighed on his shoulders.

He took a small sip of the coffee before setting it back on the table. He turned the seam of the cup directly pointing away from him and smoothed out a wrinkle in the tablecloth.

“Do you want me to grab you any food?” Kenny asked.

Tweek shook his head. He didn’t know how anyone could eat after that. His wire-rimmed glasses were fogged from warm tears as he set them down. He picked up a napkin and dabbed his eye before pinching the bridge of his nose, hoping the pressure could stop the tears somehow. He cleaned his glasses off on his black, wool sweater then slid them back on.

When he glanced up through the smudged lenses, the air whisked from his lungs. 

“Craig’s here?” Tweek breathed out. He didn’t think Scott and him were particularly close. Not close enough to drive back to his hometown after 14 years, at least.

Kenny and Butters both flipped their heads back in unison. If Craig didn’t know he was there, he sure did now.

Craig’s eyes connected with his. Tweek’s cheeks flared and a knot formed in his stomach. Craig casually stood up and crossed to them with a hand in his pocket. Every step closer he got, Tweek’s heart would beat that much faster.

Craig paused at the table, staring down at Tweek with a face void of emotion.

“Why are you here?” Tweek said in disbelief.

Craig raised his eyebrow. “Scott died. We were friends when we were kids. I thought I’d come down and pay my respects.” Craig glanced back at his table and made a beckoning gesture.

Tweek continued to stare up at him in awe. He always dreamt about meeting Craig again; he pictured a whimsical smile, messy hair, and boyish features similar to his own. Instead, Craig’s features were sharp and defined. Every raven-black hair on his head was perfectly coifed. His ice blue stare was cold and commanding. 

A tall, lean woman appeared next to Craig. Her dress barely covered her hips and long stiletto heels made her almost as tall as Craig. You wouldn’t know she had just come from a funeral if not for the veiled fascinator atop her long, wavy hair. He wrapped his sinuous arm around her tiny waist and pulled her into him. “Kenny, Butters, Tweek - this is my fiancée, Sophia.”

The knot in Tweek’s stomach tightened. 

The blonde woman extended her hand out to him with her fingers down.

Tweek stared up at her in blank confusion. He wasn’t about to kiss her hand if that was what she was expecting.

“It’s a pleasure meeting all of you,” she said with a pearly white smile.

Tweek’s lip pulled up into a grimace.

“Where are you from, Sophia?” Butters asked.

“Leeds!” She said proudly, smiling wider. “I’m going to take Craig there next month to meet my parents.” She wrapped her other arm around Craig’s torso and leaned her head on his shoulder. 

Tweek cringed. He couldn’t tell if it was from her obnoxious accent or the way she was throwing herself on Craig right after a funeral. 

“How long are you going to stick around for before abruptly leaving again, Craig?” Kenny asked curtly.

Craig’s jaw tightened and his eyes darted to Kenny’s. ”My dad got a new job. I didn’t have any choice in the matter.” His body quickly relaxed again and his face slipped back into its neutral stare. “I’m only going to be here for a month or so. We’re staying with Token. Sophia wanted to see the state I grew up in.”

“It’s all so charming!” Sophia jumped in. “I just love the small town feel! It’s so much more laid back than New York was, right dear?”

Tweek gazed up at Craig with parted lips. _So that’s where you’ve been all these years._

Craig’s eyes flashed to Tweek before turning to Sophia. “South Park used to be a farm town. It’s modernized over the years apparently.”

“Blame the Whole Foods,” Kenny said.

Craig chuckled softly. “I should go say ‘hi’ to everyone else I guess. It looks like the whole town showed up.” Craig grabbed a napkin off the table and scribbled his number down. “We should catch up while I’m here.” He slid the napkin to the center of the table and stood up straight. “I’ll see you guys later.” He kept his eyes down as he grabbed Sophia’s hand and walked away from them. 

“Your mouth is still hanging open, Tweek,” Kenny said. 

Tweek snapped his mouth shut, unaware of when it had first opened. His daydreams of seeing Craig were just that, daydreams. He never expected to actually see him again. 

“You gonna talk to him, Tweek?” Butters asked. 

Tweek looked back at them. “I-I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know what I’d say to him though.”

“How about: ‘Oh hey Craig! It’s so nice seeing you again after 15 years! Thanks for letting me know you were moving and calling me every once in a while. It really gave me closure!’”

“But that’s not what happened,” Butters said, turning to Kenny with his brows pulled in. 

“It was a joke, babe.”

“14 years,” Tweek corrected. “It’s been 14 years.”

Kenny rolled his eyes. “Do whatever you want, Tweek. I just think this will mess you up more.”

“Why do you say that like I’m already messed up?”

“Well your dating history is,” Kenny said dryly.

Tweek couldn’t argue. He’s never had a relationship last longer than a few months. The guys coming in and out of his life were as frequent and predictable as the changing seasons. 

Tweek slid the napkin over to him and pulled out his phone. He could feel Kenny’s and Butter’s eyes bore into him as he typed in the numbers.

“Any of you want this?” Tweek asked, waving the napkin in the air.

Kenny put up his hands and shook his head. “I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot pole.”

“I’ll take it!” Butters said.

“You better not bring him over to our place, Leo,” Kenny grumbled. 

“He could have changed! He might not be such a bad guy now,” Butters said, glancing at his phone. 

“To waltz back in here and dangle a tarted up fiancée over Tweek without so much as an ‘I’m sorry’?” Kenny sat back and glared at Craig from across the room. “No, guys like him don’t change.” 

Tweek tapped the side of his phone. He has wanted this number for so many years. Craig’s abrupt move led to questions unanswered. Tweek wanted to know what he did wrong. Where he went off to. Why he never tried to call him. 

And there his number was. 

The ink from the sharpie pen had soaked through the thin napkin, staining the white tablecloth underneath. It was permanent now. Tweek didn’t know if he had meant it as an opportunity for closure, a way to align the stars that fell from the sky 14 years ago. Perhaps the number wasn’t even meant for him, it may have only been a polite gesture. Craig looked at him like they never had a relationship to begin with. Like they were just people who went to school together a lifetime ago. He brought his fiancée around so casually, that should be a sign Craig didn’t see him in that way anymore. 

Tweek had held onto these feelings for so long, yet Craig seemed to have moved on so easily. But why would he give him his number now? No, he didn’t give him his number. He just put in on the table. It wasn’t an invitation to reignite the candle he had been carrying throughout the years. Still, he held that candle close to his heart. It flickered during his darkest days. The light maybe fading, but the flame still gave him warmth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the O.C. I couldn't figure out a way for the story to work without one.  
> I'm going to be releasing the chapters slower than my last two. But not to worry, it's completed. I'm just taking my time editing :)  
> Please feel free to comment ^_^  
> Kudos make my day!  
> I hope you enjoy the story!


	2. Chapter 2

Craig’s arms felt like they were floating by the time he finished hauling Sophia’s entire wardrobe up the staircase. He took one last look around. The carpet was barely visible under the mass of suitcases on the floor, the bathroom counters were cluttered with makeup brushes and nail polish smears were evident on brass fixtures. He figured they can just sleep in another room. Token had enough to spare.

Craig walked back into the spacious living room and crashed on the couch. The fireplace snapped under the TV as Clyde and Token’s characters jumped around on the screen. He rested his arm over Sophia’s shoulder and his head fell back onto the velvet love seat. His friends were so enveloped in their game, Craig didn’t think they noticed his return. 

“Get your workout for the day, Craig?” Token asked without tearing his eyes away from the TV.

Craig groaned. He glanced over to Token perched on the very edge of the couch. Token’s school sweatshirt was tight around his biceps and stopped a few inches short of his waist band. He was sure that it was the same sweatshirt he bought his freshman year in undergrad.

“More like workout for the week.” Craig chuckled.

“Sorry, dear. I just don’t like other people touching my bags.” She slanted Token a flash of a scowl before abruptly standing up. She tugged her skin tight dress back over her hips and flicked her mermaid-long hair behind her shoulder. “I should get changed. I hate my funeral attire.” She pouted through crimson-stained lips. “Those girls from today are going to take me outlet shopping. I don’t have nearly enough clothes to last me all month.” She gazed down at her perfectly manicured nails then began walking to the stairs. 

Craig gave her a small wave as the sound of her tapping heels began to fade. Her eyes were still glued to her nails when the door slammed shut.

“Girls from today?” Clyde asked.

Craig rolled his eyes. “She means Red and Bebe.”

“Oh great!” The recliner Clyde was on tipped back as he laughed. “They’ll probably come back talking with British accents too.” 

“Are you and Bebe back together yet?” Craig asked, turning his head to Clyde.

Clyde’s lighthearted grin sobered. “No, we’re not.” He let the controller slip from his hands as Token’s character danced in victory on the screen. “We just got in a stupid fight... All of our fights are stupid. It just comes down to who’s going to apologize first.”

Token shook his head. “You guys have the weirdest relationship.” Token draped his legs over the arm of the couch and picked out a new character.

“You mean the shittiest relationship.” Craig said. “You’ve been doing this off and on dance for years now, Clyde. I can’t tell if you two take each other seriously at this point.” Craig picked up the spare controller from the coffee table and turned it around in his hands. “You should either end it or take it to the next level.”

“Well, look at relationship expert Craig over here.” Token mumbled.

Craig thumped the controller back on the table. “I just don’t think it is right to play that stupid ‘cat and mouse’ game for years on end with no effort to fix what’s really causing the problem. You’re just going to keep hurting each other.” 

“Speaking of hurting people,” Token paused the game and sat up to face him. “I saw you talking to Tweek today. Did he say anything to you?”

“No.” Craig felt as if something twisted in his body. “And don’t frame it like that. There was nothing I could do.”

“You could have tried something.” Token watched Craig’s eyes glaze over as he stared off into the corner of the room. “You weren’t here to see how much of a mess he was when you left.”

“We were ten.” Craig said flatly. “He was probably sad because he lost his favorite toy or something.”

Token’s eyes narrowed. “Dude. You were upset, too. You can’t tell me you forgot about all the times you called me in tears.”

“We were ten. And like I said, there was nothing I could do.”

Token folded his arms across his chest. “Whatever, man. I don’t think you're giving Tweek enough credit.”

“Well I don’t have his number anyways.” Craig said. “And if he was as messed up as you say he was, I doubt he’ll call.”

A cheeky smile started to spread across Clyde’s face. “You gave him your number?”

“I just put it on their table. Doesn’t mean he actually took it.” Craig glanced side-eyed to Clyde. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m not gay. And besides, I’m going to marry Sophia.” 

“Ah, yes. The charming Sophia.” Token shook his head then scoffed. “I’m so glad I finally got to meet the harpy.”

“Whoa, dude.” Craig’s head instantly snapped to their upstairs room. “Don’t call her that.” 

“I don’t know what you even see in her. You’ve openly said she wasn’t a nice person.” Token said.

“Well. She can be.” Craig returned his hardened stare to the fireplace. The flames danced in his lifeless eyes. “She is to me.” 

“Is that why she cheated on you?” Token asked cuttingly.

“That was over a year ago. And she apologized.”

“Right.” Token over-annunciated. “Because an ‘I’m sorry’ truly makes up for betraying someone’s trust like that.”

“It wasn’t her fault.” Craig quickly defended. “We got into an argument earlier that day. I shouldn’t have been so hard on her.”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever known that has defended the person who cheated on them. For cheating on them.” Token said.

“And a year really isn’t that long ago.” Clyde added.

Craig felt anger coming up his throat like bile. They have been dating for three years now, Clyde and Token should have been expecting this. Sophia was smart, charismatic, and beautiful. Craig wasn’t about to let her go, after all, she needed him. He knew no one would be able to understand him as well as she did.

“I don’t know why you guys are giving me so much heat over this!” Craig’s fingernails bit into his palms as he shot up from his seat. “What’s done is done! I proposed! We’re getting married! That’s it!”

“I still can’t believe you’re actually going to marry that woman.” Clyde said under his breath.

Craig snapped to him with daggers in his eyes. “Yeah! I am!” His voice broke. “This is what I want!”

The air in the room went stale. The crackling fire filled the heavy silence around them.

A soft chirp sounded from the breast pocket of his suit.

Craig pulled out his phone: 

**It’s Tweek. Want to meet at Harbucks tomorrow?**


	3. Chapter 3

The tiny coffee bar in Old South Park would always hold a place in Tweek’s heart. Daily specials were stenciled on chalkboards over cheery baristas behind glass display cases. Slow turning ceiling fans churned above the small vases of carnation flowers on each wooden table. And light classical music floated through the air, mixing with the rich aroma of coffee beans. The new cafes were far out of his price range and every drink contained either matcha or lavender. There were few places that even offered plain black coffee anymore.

Tweek glanced at his watch and furrowed his brows. It was half an hour past when they had planned on meeting. He considered texting Craig again but quickly banished the thought. Craig knew where he was. If he didn’t want to see him, that was fine. Tweek wouldn’t be surprised if he left town without telling anyone again. He tugged the sleeves of his creme colored sweater over his hands and relaxed. It was probably for the best they wouldn’t meet again. Kenny was right. Having Craig back in town was already starting to mess him up. 

Tweek pulled out his notebook and decided to take advantage of the quiet café. He sipped his warm cup of coffee and clicked his pen.

“Sorry we’re late.”

Tweek peered up from behind his glasses to Craig and Sophia hovering over him. He snapped his notebook shut and crammed it back in his bag.

“T-That’s fine. I don’t mind.” Tweek stammered.

They sat down across from him and placed their cups on the table. Craig leaned back and peeled off his black pea coat to reveal a snug grey cardigan over a burgundy shirt. Tweek tried to calm his fluttering heart as Craig’s movement revealed a small sliver of exposed skin on his stomach. 

“What were you doing? Writing in a diary?” Sophia asked, resting her elbows on the table. Her flashy necklaces clanked against each other as she leaned forward.

Tweek’s eyes darted to her. He had almost entirely forgotten she was there.

“Um, no. I’m writing an article on Seattle’s new health and fitness district.”

Craig cocked his head, “You’ve been to Seattle?”

“No, but I’ll take any writing gig I can get.” Tweek said with a soft smile.

Craig chuckled quietly and rested his chin in his hand.

“Well I think they should have hired someone who’s actually from there. You can’t write about a place you’ve never been too!” Sophia tipped back with a laugh and snaked her hand around Craig’s arm.

Tweek quirked an eyebrow. “Well I can. It’s my job. Most travel pieces you read about are written by people who never leave their home.”

Sophia clicked her tongue. “Well that’s a shame.” She held her cup up to her lips and took a small sip. Her face twisted and she shoved the cup away from her. “Good lord! This tastes like mud!”

“Tastes fine to me.” Tweek said, taking another sip.

“Christ, love. I’m going to find that Red girl and head to the outlets early.” She stood up and stuck out her tongue a few times as if to get the flavor out of her mouth. 

“I’ll be back in time to have dinner with your friends.” She leaned down and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Sorry if my kiss tasted like mud, dear.” She glanced back at Tweek and gave him a small wave as she walked to the door, “It was nice seeing you again, Tweeker!”

“It’s just ‘Tweek’.” He said quietly as she slipped out the door.

“Sorry about that.” Craig rubbed the back of his neck and turned to Tweek. “She’s still new around here and adjusting. She didn’t mean anything by it.”

He had been referred to as ‘Tweeker’ in the past, but this would have to be the first time someone called him that by accident.

“It’s no big deal. The way she pronounced it made me sound like a Chinpokomon anyways. ‘Tweek-ah’.” He said with a small smile.

“Tweek-ah! I choose you!” Craig laughed.

“Tweek-ah used crippling anxiety! It was super effective!”

Craig sat back and tipped his head to the side with a smile. He smiled with such radiance it made the dazzling sapphire in his eyes dance like a kaleidoscope of stars. Tweek had waited 14 years to see that smile, it was a sight he could wait a thousand years more to see again. 

“So what have you been up to? “ Craig leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. “You write now?” He said, nodding to Tweek’s bag.

Tweek tore his eyes away from him and tried to hide his flush face by taking a quick sip of coffee. “Um, yeah.” He finally said. “Freelance, for now. Most of it is stuff I don’t care about but it pays the bills.” 

Craig sucked in a gasp and covered his mouth with his hand. “Are you trying to say Seattle’s new health and fitness district is something you don’t care about? Well here I was all ready to pack my bags for Seattle. My illusions have been shattered, Tweek.”

Tweek’s eyes sparkled at his playful banter.

“Oh, but Craig! The ‘Kale Only’ juice stand is bound to be the new hotspot for today’s youth! Space Needle be damned when you can sip on your ‘Kale Only’ juice and try out the world’s first yoga machine! It incorporates the natural movements of yoga but instead, you’re strapped to a machine that guarantees you won’t fuck up on that eagle pose again!”

Craig’s lip turned into a brilliant smile as he laughed, “Please tell me there’s not actually a ‘yoga machine’.”

“There definitely is. And trust me - it looks more terrifying than it sounds. It’s like some medieval torture device.”

“I really hope that doesn’t pick up in popularity. I’d hate to have something that distracting next to me at the gym.”

Craig pushed up the sleeves of his cardigan and folded his arms across his chest. Tweek’s attention drifted to his biceps, the fabric stretched and accentuated every curve of his muscle. His eyes traced up to his sharp collarbones, to his angular jaw, to the shadow of a stubble stopping short of his high cheekbones. When Tweek’s wandering gaze reached his piercing eyes, he realized they had been sitting in silence for what most people would classify as an uncomfortable amount of time.

“So, what about you Craig?” Tweek asked, finding his voice again in the midst of his fantasy. “What have you been doing?”

Craig’s lip twitched upwards, as if he had been reading Tweek’s mind. “I just graduated with a bachelors in Business Economics.”

“Business Economics? That sounds, fun?” Tweek’s face twisted in an attempt to feign interest. He may have been a good actor, but not _that_ good. “Okay, it doesn’t sound fun, it sounds absolutely boring.”

“Excruciatingly boring actually. I’m going to be a glorified number puncher with a fancy piece of paper I spent way too much money on.”

“Why not study something you’re passionate about then?” 

Craig took a sip of his coffee and shrugged his shoulders. “I wanted to pick something practical. There isn’t an ‘A Little Bit of Everything” degree at NYU, unfortunately.” 

“I always pictured you studying astronomy or astrophysics or something space related like that.”

“I looked into astronomy. And as much as I’d love a job staring into space all day, the pay wasn’t that great.”

“But who needs money when you can stare into space all day?”

“I have to pay rent somehow.”

“Get a tent.”

Craig chuckled. “A tent?”

“Yeah.” Tweek smiled back. “You wouldn’t have to worry about rent, plus you can say you work from home.” 

”That would be freezing.”

“You can grow a beard.”

“I don’t think a beard is going to keep me warm enough.” 

“Then chop down some fire wood.” 

Craig leaned forward with a charming smile. “It sounds like you’re trying to convince me to live my life as a lumberjack astronomer.” 

Tweek inched closer until the chemistry between them became tangible. “A lumberjack astronomer - _that works from home._ ”

A laugh burst from deep within Craig’s chest. The musical gale filled the air and composed itself into Tweek’s new favorite melody. His hand raised to partially cover his mouth, his perfect teeth complimented his crooked grin. Tweek was beside himself. He had never witnessed anything so beautiful. 

Craig’s phone lit up next to him and the spell was broken. He glanced down with a sigh. “I’ve got to go.” He mumbled. “Sophia’s lost.” Craig’s enchanting blue eyes flicked up to him. “Can we meet again?”

Tweek’s heart stumbled before falling back in rhythm again. “Y-Yeah. Of course. You have my number.”

Craig’s face softened and he smiled gently as he stood up. “I’ll see you around, Tweek.”

The world seemed to slow as Tweek watched him walk out the door. The butterflies in his stomach calmed and the redness in his cheeks faded. He folded his arms on the table and rested his head with a peaceful smile gracing his lips. _This is better than any daydream I’ve ever had._


	4. Chapter 4

“Well you’re not in tears so that’s a good sign.”

Tweek shut the door behind him and stuck his tongue out at Kenny. Butters and Kenny’s townhouse was comfortably cluttered and well lit. Photos of them over the years hung on the walls and Butters’s quaint knickknacks were peppered throughout the room. It didn’t take long until their cat, Kevin, was nuzzling his face against Tweek’s leg.

“How’d it go?!” Butters asked. His hands were balled into fists and the name tag clipped to his scrubs clanked as he bounced in his seat.

“It went well... Really well.” Tweek dropped his bag and sat on the couch with them, pulling his knees up to his chest. “He’s smart, witty...” Tweek couldn’t control the smile starting to bloom on his lips. “We were talking so naturally it was like we picked up right where we left off.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Kenny said dryly as he flipped through a magazine, “because you were ‘left off’ sobbing uncontrollably for a week then turning into a zombie for the rest of the year.”

Butters shot him a glare then gently poked him in the rib.

Kenny jumped back from the touch and threw his magazine down. “Well he’s _engaged!_ And obviously you’re still in love with him, Tweek! You’re setting yourself up to get your heartbroken! And I don’t want to be the shoulder you cry on again.”

“You can cry on my shoulder, Tweek!” Butters said, shooting up his hand.

“I’m not going to get my heartbroken, guys!” Tweek said, bringing his legs down. “I know he’s engaged! I just like being able to talk to him again.”

“He’s leaving in a month, Tweek. What do you think is going to happen after that? He never called you last time. What makes you think he’s going to call you this time?”

Tweek squeezed his eyes shut and gripped onto his pant leg to steady his shaking hands. He knew he had no right to be upset with Kenny, but he couldn’t keep his emotions from overwhelming him.

“Just let me have this!” Tweek’s eyes flew open and his voice broke. “Let me have this one month! This one month where I can pretend nothing happened! Where I can spend time with him and not be counting down the days before he’s gone again. Yeah, it’s going to hurt when he leaves, and I probably will cry, but just let me have this!”

Kenny turned his head away and sighed. “Do what you want, Tweek.” He muttered. ”I’ll try not to give you shit about it. At least you know this is a mistake and will only end badly. And that you will be left in tears. And you will eventually make your way to our doorstep in those tears, and then be told ‘I told you so’. By me.” 

Tweek raised his brow. “You said you wouldn’t give me shit about it yet here you are.” 

“I said I’d _try_ not to give you shit about it.”

“Well you don’t seem to be trying very hard.”

“I think it’s nice you guys are talking again!” Butters said, leaning into Tweek with a smile. 

“ _Thank you,_ Butters.” Tweek said. “I’m glad someone is supportive.”

Kenny scoffed then walked off into the kitchen. Tweek could hear him mumbling under his breath as he rounded the corner.

Tweek fished into his bag and pulled out his rusted fidget spinner. He gave it a twirl and sat back into the couch. “Whats his problem?” He mumbled.

“He doesn’t want you hurt again is all.” Butters said, wringing his hands in his lap.

“I get that, but he’s never been this way with anyone else I’ve dated.”

“No one you’ve dated has ever abandon you then shown back up after 14 years!” Kenny shouted from the kitchen.

Tweek threw his head back and groaned. He found himself instinctively reach into his pocket to call Scott. He would know what to say. Having lived together for 5 years, Scott knew more about him than anyone. Of course he was thankful for Butters and Kenny’s friendship over the years, but right now he needed family. And that’s what Scott was to him. He was family. 

“Did ya get back to Jimmy about the article?” Butters asked, obviously trying to ease the tension in the room.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I accepted the job today.” He gave the fidget spinner a hard flick. “Begrudgingly, I might add.”

Kenny came back with a glass of water and wrapped his arm around Butters’s shoulder as he sat down.

“Begrudgingly?” Kenny cut in. “You wanna trade jobs? Leo and I can go to ‘Cow Day’s’ and you can wipe butts at Shady Acres.”

“Can we really go to Cow Day’s?!”

“You work that day, babe.” Kenny said before taking a drink of water.

Butters slumped in his seat. “Aww hamburgers.”

Tweek rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the offer Kenny, but I’ll pass. Are you going to be free?”

“I have plans.” Kenny said.

“Plans? It’s 2 weeks away!” For as long as Tweek had known Kenny, he had never been one for making plans more than 3 days in advance; opting instead for spur of the moment escapades, that he’s thankfully outgrown over the years.

“I _plan_ on staying home.”

“Oh come on, Kenny! Please?”

“Fuck no.” Kenny said, setting his glass of water down. “‘Cow Day’s’ is pretentious as fuck.” 

Kenny wasn’t wrong. ‘Cow Day’s’ really had become a pretentious event. The humble carnival modernized with the rest of the town to the point where the festivities rivaled the state fair. The bull riding and overpriced rides had turned into craft beer tasting and elaborate firework displays. It had become so removed from the original concept, most people assumed ‘Cow Day’s’ referred to South Parks agricultural roots, instead of the embarrassing ‘Running of the Cows’ event from which the carnival got its name. 

“I don’t want to go alone again.” Tweek groaned. While he usually preferred to do most things by himself, being surrounded by families and couples while he hugged a notebook to his chest was a different kind of lonely.

“Maybe you can go with Craig!”

Kenny’s hand shot up to cover Butters’s mouth. “Leo!” 

“Ha! Yes!” Tweek’s eyes lit up. “Great idea, Butters!”

Butters blinked rapidly. He turned to Kenny and pulled his hand down from his face. “What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support! It makes me so happy knowing people are enjoying the story thus far. Some chapters are shorter than others (like this one) and it's a very dialogue driven plot - but it picks up.  
> Thank you so so much for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks!  
> I hope you all are staying safe out there <3


	5. Chapter 5

Craig could no longer see the top of Sophia’s head as the blonde bobbed behind the sale signs above the clothing racks. He rested his head against the glass pane window of the store and tried not to think about how long he had spent carrying her bags around shop to shop. The day they planned of lunch dates and sightseeing had been eclipsed by high-end shopping and maxed credit cards. He would rather be imprisoned at a Home Land Security Camp in Miami than the Denver mall. Craig shared the expressions of the small group of men sitting beside him, all with down-turned lips and bags under their eyes to match the ones in their hands. 

The sweet scent of freshly made pretzels drifted over to him but he was too tired to stand, let alone wait in line. Fatigued and overcome with boredom, he pulled out his phone and tapped the lock button. Tweek’s name popped up at the top of the screen, and for the first time that day, Craig felt a smile on his lips.

**I had a nice time yesterday. Thanks for coming.**

Craig read the message over so many times it stopped looking like it was written in English. He couldn’t think of a reply. He couldn’t think of much else but Tweek’s smile yesterday. Remembering the brush of pink that flitted across Tweek’s freckled cheeks whenever he would laugh brought a similar rush of heat to his own face. His thumb hovered over the keyboard. His teeth slowly bit into his bottom lip.

“Hold this bag for me, dear.” Sophia’s voice rang over Craig’s head. 

Craig slipped his phone back into his pocket and glanced up at the bulging bag hovering in front of his face. He sighed and added it to the heavy, colorful collection.

“Are we done yet?” Craig groaned. “I was hoping we could stop by the museum before it closes.”

“Don’t say that like it’s such a bad thing, love. I’m having a great time.” She said as she walked out the door. 

Craig’s knees popped as he stood and struggled to keep up with the tapping of heels heading into the adjacent store.

“Can we stop to get something to eat after this?” Craig said as the bags around his arms fell to the floor.

Sophia flipped her head around. “Don’t put them on the ground like that, Craig!” She shouted. 

He collapsed on the chair and rubbed his forehead.

“Don’t you have any respect for my belongings?!”

“Sorry.” Craig mumbled. “I’m just tired.”

“You told me you wanted to spend the day with me, didn’t you? Why is it whenever we do something I want to do, you’re suddenly too tired to even stand?”

“No, Sophia. That’s not it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Sophia stood up straight and put her hands on her hips. “Good. It will only be a few more hours then we’ll get something to eat. You know I’m on a diet. I don’t want to be around while you’re eating. And you can’t leave me alone here.” Sophia glanced at the leather jacket next to her and raked her fingers through the fringes. “An attractive girl like myself, walking around in a place like this, who knows what would happen?” She turned to him with a dewy gaze. “Do you want our vacation to end with me getting kidnapped?”

Craig’s eyes darted to the corner of the room. A mall in Denver was safer than any place in New York. She had no problem leaving him in the middle of the city and running away with her friends in the past.

“Of course I don’t. I’m sorry.” Craig mumbled.

Sophia bent down and placed her hand on his cheek. Her touch sent a sharp jolt of ice down his spine. “You know I love you, dear.” She stood up straight and traced her finger across his jawline, tipping his chin up to meet her cold stare. “Make sure no one touches those bags.” 

***

Craig had almost forgotten how hungry he was by the time she agreed to get something to eat. The pungent aroma of American, Thai, and burnt Chinese food melted together in the expansive food court. The unusual combination of food churning together would have normally nauseated him, but he was so ravenous, he felt he could devour every tiny crumb and still not be satisfied. 

He lugged his fiancée’s bags around his wrists as he put in an order at the most basic, underwhelming hamburger stand he could find. He was craving comfort food at the moment, or maybe just comfort in general.

He sat his shaking tray on the table and tried to lower her bags gently to rest. He winced in anticipation of her scolding once the bags touched the floor but relaxed when he found himself welcomed back in silence. 

Sophia was touching up her makeup with her compact mirror when Craig took his first bite. He had been famished to the point a small moan slipped through his lips as soon as the sad excuse for a hamburger touched his tongue.

“You sound like some sort of animal.” She said flatly.

Craig didn’t bother looking up. He wanted to eat in peace, for once.

“I don’t know how you can even stomach that garbage at all, dear.”

Craig tried harder to tune her out. He just wanted to enjoy this, the highlight of his day.

“You’re lucky you have a fast metabolism,” her compact mirror snapped shut, “you’d be obese if you didn’t.”

He couldn’t help his eyes from drifting up to her. The way she said it nearly commanded a response. 

“I guess I am lucky.” He said, his normal witty comebacks were blocked by the hunger pangs in his stomach.

“You need to be eating healthier. I’ll order for you next time.” She said, lifting the lid off of her salad.

Craig popped a French fry in his mouth. His favorite food tasted like sandpaper as it slid down his throat.

She stabbed a couple of spinach leafs with her fork. “I can’t wait until we can go back home, love.”

“We just got here.” 

“I don’t like the way your friends are treating you.”

“What are you talking about?” Token and Clyde were his only two real friends, he hadn’t noticed they were treating him any differently.

“I was talking to that Bebe girl. Apparently, they’re resentful that you left. They’re jealous of you, and me of course.” She dropped her fork and perked up at him with amusement playing in her eyes. “You should have seen it, dear! The way they were looking at me when I came out of the dressing room the other day. They nearly melted from jealousy!”

Sophia’s last self indulgent remark went unnoticed. Craig’s mind was busy analyzing every interaction he’s had with Token and Clyde since he got back. The idea they resented him for moving made his chest hollow and left him feeling faint and breathless. He always thought they understood the position he was in.

“We should cut our vacation short.” She said as she dabbed her mouth with a napkin.

“Maybe,” Craig said quietly with his eyes downcast, “I don’t want to be a burden to them.”

“Oh, sweetheart! Don’t ever think of yourself as a burden!” She wrapped her hand around his and gave it a light squeeze. “Your friends just don’t understand you like I do.”

Craig tried to smile back at her, appreciative she continued to look out for him in a way he didn’t realize he needed.

He watched as Sophia continued to enjoy her salad. He pushed his tray of uneaten food to the side and folded his arms on the table.

“Can we stop by the Denver museum before we leave? They are open for another couple of hours.” Craig may have been tired and more than ready to leave, but the space exhibit would only be featured for a few more days.

Sophia sat back in her chair and huffed. “You should have asked me sooner, love. I’m too tired now.”

Craig’s stomach twisted but he had long lost his appetite. He rubbed his forehead and tried to remember where they parked his car through the haze of exhaustion that had suddenly washed over him.

“I’m done now, Craig.” 

He flicked his eyes up to her as she pushed her empty salad container to him and pulled out her phone. Craig gathered the remains of their lunch and took it to the refuse. Walking back to their table he remembered the text waiting for him.

He stopped in the middle of the food court and took out his phone with a smile.

**Is Skeeter’s Wine Bar still around?**


	6. Chapter 6

Craig glanced up at Skeeter’s Wine Bar. Much like the sign, the interior had changed in the past 14 years too. Red velvet seats lined the mahogany paneled walls, refurbished bar stools stood at attention at broad, wooden tables. The noise level was a pleasant buzz and the rusted wire chandeliers gave off a soft glow. Tweek sat at an intimate table next to a wide window. Waves of white wine crashed against Tweek’s glass as he twisted it back and forth on the table. A smile grew on Craig’s lips as he watched him stare out the window. His oversized sweater hid his small frame and green pants clung to his legs. He held his head in his hand with a contemplative expression hiding behind wire rimmed glasses that rested on his ski-sloped nose. Craig sat across from him soundlessly and watched as his head turned up. The light in Tweek’s eyes flickered when their gazes met.

“It’s nice to be able to come here legally now.” Craig said.

“I’ve been coming here since I was 18. They’ve never carded me. They care more about the money than legalities anyways.” Tweek chuckled and took a sip of his drink.

Craig caught a glance of the pink of Tweek’s tongue as his lips brushed against the sharp edge of the glass. He started to feel light-headed as he watched Tweek’s neck move slightly as the wine slid down his throat.

“Did you have enough time to look over the menu, sir?” The waitress asked.

Craig snapped back to the present. “I’ll just have what he’s having.” He said, gesturing to Tweek.

The woman nodded then disappeared behind the counter.

“How has your vacation been so far, Craig?” Tweek asked.

Craig leaned back and scoffed. “It’s hardly a vacation. Dragging around Sophia’s shopping bags store to store isn’t exactly what I pictured when I came back here.”

“She went back to the outlets?”

Craig shook his head. “We went to Denver for the day.”

“What else did you do besides shopping?”

The waitress set Craig’s drink on the table and he immediately took a drink that was probably too large for such a strong wine.

“Umm.” He tapped his finger on the base of the glass and furrowed his brows. “I took a few bites of a hamburger from the food court.”

“Seriously?” Tweek said with an eyebrow raised.

“Seriously.”

“You didn’t go to the museum?”

“Nope.”

“The Denver Zoo?”

“Nope.”

“Not even the botanical gardens?”

Craig shook his head.

“Well at least you didn’t take her to the theme park.” Tweek smiled.

Craig laughed unexpectedly. He rested his cheek on his hand and swirled the glass by the stem before taking another small sip. Craig had considered bringing her to the amusement park, but he felt a warmth in his chest whenever he thought of the slow turning ferris wheel and cotton candy stands. He didn’t want to risk tainting the memory he already had of that place. 

Tweek pressed his lips together. “So is your life forever going to be taking Sophia to amazing places only to be trapped inside some shopping district?”

Craig’s eyes flashed up to him. A flicker of emotion crossed Tweek’s face before he was able to read it.

“I guess so.” He mumbled.

Tweek sat back and hummed. “Sounds like you have an exciting life ahead of you.” He said, sarcasm dripped heavily from every word.

Craig’s stomach hardened. Tweek was absolutely right.

“I can still go sight-seeing, hiking, skiing. I don’t have to do everything with her.”

Tweek leaned forward and rested on his elbows. “‘Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you’re in a relationship though? Do things together?”

“Maybe. But I can’t stand her griping whenever I take her somewhere she doesn’t want to be.”

“Your relationship sounds exhausting.”

“You don’t know the half of it. In one moment she will say I'm the most important person to her; the next minute she tells me I'm replaceable.” Craig sighed. “I don't know which one I prefer.”

Tweek’s head tilted to the side and his brows pulled in slowly. His eyes flitted about Craig’s face, as if he was trying to find answers to questions he was too afraid to ask. Craig’s chest tightened under his intense gaze, he took another sip to calm his nerves.

“Tweek!”

Their heads flipped to the call. A well-dressed, dark skinned boy was approaching the table with long, deliberate strides. He was wearing faded jeans and a polo under a snow jacket with a bright smile plastered on his face. His sparkling eyes were glued to Tweek.

“Hey, David.” Tweek mumbled, sinking lower in his chair.

“Long time no see!” He reached out to Tweek with his arms open wide. Tweek shifted awkwardly in his chair as David wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He looked like he was about to be crushed encircled in the man’s muscular arms.

Craig’s formally calm face was disturbed by a tightening of his jaw.

David pulled away and ran his hand down his arm. Tweek squirmed away from the touch and cleared his throat.

“How have you been?” David said, still glowing despite the cold reception.

“Fine, thanks. I’m just catching up with Craig here.” Tweek said nodding towards Craig.

David’s eyes widened. A small smirk tipped his lip up. “Oh, hey Craig!” David said, shifting over to Tweek’s side. “I never thought you’d show your face around here again.”

Craig’s body tensed. He didn’t expect a warm welcome when he returned, but he hadn’t exactly prepared for outright hostility, either. He relaxed his body again and welcomed the cool smile that always preceded a snarky remark. “I wanted to see what happened to the quaint little mountain town I grew up in. I was curious if the residents became as pretentious as the town. I think I’ve got my answer.”

David choked in a laugh and raked his hand through his hair. “The town has definitely changed, that’s true. It’s refreshing to see that you still haven’t though.”

Tweek started drumming his fingers on the wooden table at a hastening pace. “Did you need something, David?” 

Noticing Tweek’s perturbed tic, Craig felt a weight lift from his shoulders, a reaction he wasn’t quite expecting of himself. 

“I wanted to let you know I liked your review of the Thai fusion restaurant in the paper last week.” David said. He slid his hand across the back of Tweek’s chair and lowered his face dangerously close to his ear. “I was thinking, now that I’m the owner of Nueva Familia, you can write an article about us. I can take you out for coffee and we can talk it over. Or I can come over to your place. Maybe bring by a couple of beers and you can sample some of the new dishes.” David bit his lip and ran his gaze up Tweek’s body. ”From what I remember, you made the cutest faces when you ate spicy food.”

Tweek made a face that almost looked like a grimace. “David. I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Craig felt his lip twitch upward.

“Well since you have a new number, I’ll give you mine in case you change your mind.” 

“I don’t have a new number.” Tweek said, folding his arms across his chest.

The cogs in David’s head seemed to turn as he stood back up.

“Well, if you ever want to take me up on the offer, you know where to find me. I think it could be a good opportunity for us both.” He flashed a grin, but this time it didn’t reach his eyes.

Craig watched as David’s smile began to fade when he turned and walked back to the bar. His hands were stuffed in his jean pockets and his head hung slightly lower than before.

Craig tried to hide the smug grin threatening to overtake his face as he twisted his body back to Tweek. “I’m going to make a wild guess here and say you two have a history?”

Tweek rolled his eyes. “We dated for a month. Almost a year ago.”

“What happened?”

Tweek glanced to the side and twisted his lips.

“Sorry that was a weird thing to ask forget I-”

“Nothing happened.” Tweek said, bringing his arms down from his chest. “Which was the problem. I’d rather cut things off early than drag out a relationship that I know isn’t going to last.”

Craig had initially thought Tweek would be the, move-in after 3 dates kind of guy. But the way he answered made him think this might be a common theme in Tweek’s dating history.

“Plus,” Tweek started with a hint of a smile. “I’d hate to be unavailable when the perfect guy finally comes around.” He brought the glass up to his lips and glanced at Craig. Craig’s heart stopped beating as their eyes locked.

Tweek set the glass down then perked up, “Oh I almost forgot! I brought you something.”

Tweek reached down into his bag and pulled out a Tupperware container and set it delicately down on the table. He subtly scooted it to Craig and looked up at him with a pink to his cheeks. It was an endearing kind of blush that shown on his freckled cheeks. The pale pink complimented his gemstone green eyes, rings of gold glimmered around his iris, revealing a delicate kindness within him.

Craig lifted the lid off of the container. A soft laugh slipped through his lips as he pulled out a beautifully decorated cupcake. The icing was perfectly swirled and the fondant flower could have been plucked from the secret garden itself. 

“I’ve gotten much better at baking over the years.” Tweek said softly.

“I can tell.” Craig turned the cupcake around in his hands. As he touched the papery wrapper a warm rush of feelings he had kept hidden, locked within himself filled his heart.

“It pairs well with your chardonnay, if you wanted to try it.”

Craig peeled the wrapper off and took a bite. The buttery cake melted in his mouth and the vanilla frosting tingled on his tongue.

“You weren’t kidding.” Craig said with a chuckle, wiping the frosting off of his nose with a napkin.

Tweek flashed him a ghost of a smile. “I still bake when I get anxious.” He paused. “I’ve had a lot of practice over the years.”

“You don’t seem as anxious as you used to be.” 

“Medications help. And the only time I need band aids is when my books give me paper cuts.” Tweek glanced down at his hands. A few colorful band aids were wrapped around his tiny fingers. “You’d think the things you love would be nicer to you.” He murmured.

Craig’s heart stung. Under Tweek’s spirited personality was something more vulnerable than he had realized. Tweek glanced away. He didn’t think Tweek meant it to sound the way it did either.

“I-I’m glad you like it though.” Tweek quickly recovered. “I can’t boil water without catching something on fire but at least I can bake.”

“I’d give anything to have baked goods around the house. Or even pasta for that matter.” Craig said, eyeing the cupcake again.

Tweek cocked his head, “Sweets and pasta are the main two food groups in America.” 

“Sophia doesn’t like having carbs around. She doesn’t even like it when I have something with carbs in it.”

“Then let me take you to Buca De Faggoncini on Friday! They have some really great Italian food!” Tweek said with a glimmer in his eye. “You can order whatever carb-filled dish you want!”

Craig was taken aback by his enthusiasm. “W-Well- I –I mean-“ He stammered through upturned lips. He was never flustered, but there was something in Tweek’s smile that was leaving him speechless.

“Come on, Craig! I want you to have a nice time while you’re here!” 

“Me? Have a nice time in South Park?” Craig laughed softly. “That’s too much pressure.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Sigmundfeud1314 for the idea of having Tweek run into someone he knows at the bar! It was a lot of fun to write ^_^


	7. Chapter 7

Tweek tugged his hood further down his head and ignored the droplets of water spotting his glasses as he rushed under the awning of Butters and Kenny’s house. SodoSopa was no longer the ram-shack pile of debris it was when they were kids. While ‘The Lofts’ never took off, affordable townhouses lined the residential street in perfect rows. Aside from going to Butters and Kenny’s house, Tweek made every attempt to avoid the area. Most of the citizens of South Park Tweek’s age populated the street, making it the host of many of his one night stands. On more than one occasion, he had been caught sneaking out in the middle of the night despite being welcomed in so warmly. In his wake, he would sometimes leave behind apology notes; but more often than not, their numbers were already blocked by the time he was out the door.

He knocked then swiftly entered their home before someone recognized his small stature and signature book bag.

“Hey, guys.” Tweek greeted, shutting the door behind him.

They flipped their heads to him. The soft glow from the television lit up the playful smiles stretching across their faces. Credits were rolling on the screen and Butters’s legs were draped over Kenny’s as they laid into each other in a mess of limbs and pillows. 

“Hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Tweek said meekly.

“Nah.” Kenny said with a chuckle. 

They took their time untangling themselves then Kenny reached out for the remote. “We just finished a movie.”

“What movie?” Tweek asked as he placed his jacket on their coat rack.

“Frozen.” Kenny replied.

Tweek raised an eyebrow as Kenny muted the TV. 

“Leo’s choice.” Kenny said with a half-smile.

“It was great!” Butters shouted. 

“Yeah, it had a cute ending.” Kenny leaned over Butters and kissed the top of his head. Tweek fell on the couch and rested his feet up on the coffee table. Sometimes, this place felt more like home than his own apartment did.

“Want some tea, Tweek?” Butters asked, grabbing their matching superhero mugs off the table.

“I’m okay, thanks though.”

“Kenny?”

“Sure, babe.”

Butters crossed into the kitchen as Kenny lolled his head over to Tweek.

“What’s up?” Kenny asked.

“Oh nothing.” A small smile crept up his face and the tips of his ears started to burn. “Craig liked my cupcake.”

Kenny rolled his eyes. “Of course he did. He’d do anything to keep you interested. He just wants to be wanted. He doesn’t really care about you.” He said bluntly.

Tweek shifted away from him and his brows pulled in. “I’m not saying that he does. And what’s with you? Why have you been so weird about this? You haven’t even spoken to him since he’s been back.”

Kenny’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t need to speak to him to see that he’s just manipulating you, Tweek. I’ve seen-“

A shattering noise rang from the kitchen followed by a series of desperate apologizes. Kenny’s face fell. He bolted into the kitchen, nearly tripping over his own feet.

Tweek followed and peered inside to see an array of fragmented ceramic pieces sprawled across the tile floor. Butters was on his knees hovering above the mess. His hand were running frantically through his hair. Apologies poured out of his mouth as his whole body trembled, tears began to fall from the corner of his eyes.

Kenny lowered himself and gingerly took Butters’s hand in his. “Sweetheart. Don’t worry about it. It was just a mug.” He said softly.

“It was my fault it broke!” Sobs tore through his throat and his chest heaved like the air was a toxic gas. “I know it was! I’m so sorry! I swear I’ll-“

“Don’t worry about it.” Kenny murmured.

He pulled Butters’s head to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him close. 

“Can you go make sure kitty has food, sweetheart?” Kenny whispered. He released him from his chest and traced the back of his hand across his cheek, wiping away a tear as it fell.

Butters rubbed his eyes and smiled softly before passing Tweek on his way upstairs. 

Kenny grabbed the dustpan from under the sink and began brushing the fragments into the pan. 

Watching the way they fit so well together made Tweek’s heart ache. He wanted someone to comfort him too. He wanted to know how it felt to be held so tenderly. 

“That wasn’t too bad.” Kenny said quietly. 

Tweek cocked his head. “The broken mug?”

“No. Leo.”

Kenny stood up and dumped the shattered ceramic into the trash can. “If that happened last year it would have been worse.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He has been through too much.” Kenny said, his face becoming pained. “He shoulders too much responsibility, blames everything on himself.” 

Kenny stared down at the dustpan in his hand. “He broke a picture frame like this last year. He started sobbing and crying out. When I came to see what happened, he threw his hands up to his face and wouldn’t stop apologizing. He pleaded for me not to hit him.” Kenny’s face twisted and his voice softened. “It broke my heart.” 

Tweek saw Kenny’s knuckles turn white as he gripped the dustpan tighter in his hand. Kenny breathed out a sigh and tossed the dustpan back under the sink. “He’s getting better though.” 

Butters was always a jumpy person, ever since they were kids. Any loud noise, any sudden movement, his undivided attention would be there. But all these years, Tweek had mistaken Butters’s vigilance for what it really was - fear.

“Him having his parents move away helped, I think.” Kenny glanced at the staircase as the sounds of footsteps descended.

“He has food and water.” Butters said. His face was slightly pink, a small glisten of water still shone on his cheek. 

“Thanks, babe.” Kenny said softly, holding out his arms.

Butters fell into him and Tweek watched as they slowly rocked back and forth for a moment. Tweek reached up and held his arms around himself. He tried to imagine what it would feel like being held. Caressed. But his cold, jittery hands did nothing to keep his mind steady or body warm. If anything, he was more touch starved than before. His arms fell to his side and he tried to numb the wave of loneliness threatening to pull him under. 

They released with whispered words of comfort and hands clasped tight.

“Wanna sit on the couch with Tweek?” Kenny said, flicking his eyes up to Tweek. “I’ll get you some water.”

They sat on the couch together as Butters inhaled a shaky breath. 

“You okay, Butters?” 

He flipped his head to Tweek, a stray lock of blond hair crossed his eye. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He said. He wiped his eye again and flashed him a small smile. “Everything is okay.” Butters said softly.

Kenny came back in the room and handed Butters a glass of water. He gave him a chaste peck on the cheek then sat down between them. 

“How was your date today, Tweek?” Butters asked.

“It wasn’t a date, babe. Craig’s engaged.”

“It was great, actually. Every time I talk with him it gets easier. It’s nice just to have him close again.” Tweek said, smiling to himself.

“What did you guys talk about?” Kenny asked dryly.

“Oh, well, just how his vacation was going. And we talked about old times a little bit.”

“So nothing important.” Kenny said.

“What do you mean?”

Kenny let out an annoyed grunt. “It sounds like you guys are just dancing around what you really want to say. Would you be satisfied if he left tomorrow, Tweek? You’re still holding onto a lot of feelings. They’re not going to be sorted out just talking about old times and vacations.”

Tweek and Butters stared at Kenny with wide eyes.

“Well its true! Craig left without a word, Tweek! You do remember that, right? You’re acting like you don’t. You don’t even know why he left in the first place.”

“He said his dad got a new job.” Tweek responded.

“You believed his bullshit?”

Tweek was trying not to think of any of that. He decided early on he didn’t want to know the answers to the questions gnawing away at him. What he might learn threatened to shatter the illusion they were sharing. That nothing was wrong. That nothing had ever even happened.

“You need to talk to him, Tweek. I told you not to get involved in the first place, but now that you decided to anyways, you should probably really talk to him.”

Tweek tugged off a loose thread on his sweater. “What if I don’t want to?” He asked quietly.

Kenny’s head fell back and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Then don’t. I don’t care. But you’re just kidding yourself with these make-believe dates and coffee meet ups. You’re going to be even more lost by the time he leaves. And he _will_ leave, Tweek. It will open that same wound you’ve been trying to close these 14 years.”

Tweek couldn’t deny the truth in his words. Was there really no use in pretending everything was okay? That nothing happened? A flood of possible outcomes swirled in his head, creating a torrent of uncertainty. His body began to break out into a cold sweat. Feigning ignorance would keep their blissful little reunion together. But Kenny was right, it would make things more complicated by the time he left.

And Craig was going to leave.

“Okay.” Tweek said softly. “You’re right. You’re always right, Kenny.”

“Well don’t say it like that. It will make me feel bad.” He said with a crooked smile.

Tweek glanced up at him. A small smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. He was lucky to have them by his side. 

Butters turned to Kenny with a gleaming grin. “Can we watch Frozen 2 now?”

Kenny ruffled the hair and rested his forehead against his. “It will cost you one kiss first.”

Tweek glanced away with a redness in his cheeks. They were just too cute to bear sometimes. 


	8. Chapter 8

White oak floors gleamed like polished glass as the sun reflected the snow-dusted trees from outside. Flames from the fireplace crackled and cast long shadows against the wood paneled walls. The music drifting from the grand piano infused with the rich hickory flames, filling the air with melancholic warmth. Craig’s tranquil melody breathed life into the massive foyer.

Craig would never forget the day his 6th grade teacher called him a musical prodigy. From then on, he tried to master every instrument he could get his hands on. He understood music more than he understood people; he could express his emotions better through sounds than words. Despite his talent, his parents never thought music was a practical use for his time. He learned to practice in the quiet mornings when his parents had left for work and find solitude in the basement’s utility closet. While he wanted nothing more than to pursue music in college, it would mean admitting to his parents he had been indulging in his quixotic passion behind their backs. And he didn’t want to be more of a disappointment to them then he already had been.

His somber ballad came to a soft end, unnoticed by his two friends lounging on the couch several feet away. Craig didn’t mind. He had lost track of how long he had been sitting on that piano bench anyway.

Craig furrowed his brow and squinted at his phone screen that was void of any new notifications. “What time was the reservation for, Token?”

“7.” He replied, leafing through his book. “Were you going to bring Sophia?”

“I have no clue where she is.” Craig sighed and slipped his phone back into his pocket. “And she isn’t responding to my texts, but that’s nothing new.”

“10 bucks says it’s the mall.” 

Craig glanced over to Token with a sly grin. “I don’t take bets when I know I’m going to lose. She’s probably hanging out with Red and Bebe somewhere.”

Clyde sat back and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “They don’t hang out anymore.”

“That was fast.” Token mumbled.

“Bebe said she was making back-handed comments about their weight.”

“Dude that’s fucked up.” Token said.

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way. Sophia just says things that pop into her head sometimes.”

“Where you there?”

Craig recoiled. “What? No.”

“Then how do you know?”

“That’s just how she is guys. She didn’t mean anything by it.” Craig said as if he was a record player, skipping over the same, worn groove.

“Whenever she comes up in conversations you always end up defending her.” 

“She isn’t here to defend herself so someone has to!” The familiar racing of his heart thrummed against his rib cage staring back at their placid faces. He felt cornered, left to defend every choice he’d made the past 3 years.

“Whatever.” Token said, rolling his eyes. “I love having you here, but I can’t wait until she leaves.”

“That was a little harsh.” Craig said quietly.

“She is a dick to my parents and to me. Plus, she always refers to us as ‘the negros’. It’s fucking weird, dude. What do Thomas and Laura even think about you guys getting married?” 

Craig’s face fell slightly.

“They love her.” They loved her long, blonde hair. Her high heels. Her short dresses. The way she clung onto him like an accessory; she was the perfect adornment for the well-adjusted son they always wanted him to be.

“If you want us to go, we can go.” Craig said after finding his voice again. “I know being here is a burden to you.”

“You’re not a burden, dude. It’s nice having you back and all… but she can be a little, much.”

Craig gently pulled the fallboard back over the keys of the piano. He knew he wasn’t about to convince his friends how wonderful she was when he couldn’t think of two reasons why she was either. 

“Thanks Token. It’s nice being back actually. I didn’t plan on enjoying myself so much.”

Clyde and Token exchanged glances. “What have you been doing while you were here? I never see you and Sophia together. And you already told us how awful Denver was.”

His mind stalled. Tweek’s mesmerizing wide eyes suddenly blinded him. The way his gaze burned into him was like he had been staring straight into the sun through a telescope - dazzling green with flecks of golden brown like swirling hues of coffee blended to perfection. 

“I-I’ve just been hanging out with old friends.”

“We’re you’re old friends?” Clyde said.

“Of course you are…” Craig’s eyes shifted away. “But I had other friends when I was here too.”

“… You mean Tweek?” Token asked.

Craig’s heart seized.

“You’ve been hanging out with Tweek this whole time?!” Token’s eyes lit up and a large grin dimpled his cheeks.

“What if I have?” Craig shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“That’s fucking adorable, dude.”

“Adorable? What about it is adorable?” Their meet ups hardly qualify as ‘adorable’. He was only reconnecting with an old friend. There was nothing that qualified it as adorable. Well, except for maybe the person in question.

“It seemed like you didn’t want anything to do with the guy when you first came back here, now you’re going out places together? Come on dude, that’s kind of adorable.”

“No, it-“

“I agree with Token. It’s adorable.”

Craig buried his head in his hands, becoming painfully aware of the heat invading his face.

“Tweek is a sweet guy,” Token continued, “I’m sure he’s ecstatic you’re back.”

“Tweek’s the kind of person that when they’re happy, everyone is happy.” 

“Well,” Craig brought his hands down from his face and tried to ignore the emotions welling from his chest, “he does have a nice smile...” 

A soft chirp rang through the air, breaking Craig’s train of thought that was quickly starting to derail.

Clyde pulled out his phone and stared at the screen with his lips pursed.

“It’s Bebe.” Clyde murmured. “I gotta go, I’ll join you for dinner next time.”

“You’re back together now?” Craig said. “I must have missed the dramatic conclusion from your two weeks broken up.”

Clyde shot him a glare. “We’re not back together. But her parents are going through a messy divorce and they keep dragging her into their problems. I’m not her boyfriend but I’m still here for her. Relationships are more complicated than just off and on, Craig.”

Craig crossed his arms and tightened his jaw. Relationships are complicated enough without adding a grey area. Why can’t things be as simple as on or off? When two people get together, the lights flash on. When they leave, the lights switch off. Flicking the lights back off and on would waste energy, it would be blinding, making it hard to find balance again. Craig preferred to turn off all the lights when he left. 

A light left on was destined to burn out.

The flames from the fireplace curled and licked the air as the breeze swept in from the front door. Clyde snatched his jacket from the couch and slammed the door shut behind him.

“Looks like it’s just us and my parents for dinner tonight.” Token said quietly.

Craig hummed his reply then flipped the fallboard back up on the piano. He poised his fingers over the keys and took a deep breath out. As his finger brushed the cold ivory, a vibration from his pocket sent a shock of anxiety under his skin. He pulled out his phone and glanced down to Tweek’s name over the inbox: 

**I think we should talk.**


	9. Chapter 9

The tree stood tall but twisted by the stagnant pond. The aged branches stretched towards the graying sky despite the layer of snow weighing down its limbs. There was something about that old tree that brought Tweek more peace than anywhere else in the world. He could almost feel the tree’s pulse beneath his fingertips when he traced over the soft curve of the “C” engraved in its flesh, as if that tree could breathe and bleed just like he could. 

Tweek heard the crunching of snow-covered leaves behind him. He kept his finger lingering on the groove in the tree. Replaying the days they shared together in his mind. Trying not to let go of that feeling. He knew by the time Craig left, his feelings for him will change, in one way or another.

A low, hesitant voice rang behind him. “Hey, Tweek.” 

Tweek drew his hand down and turned to face him. Craig’s hands were stuffed in his pockets. His eyes cast down. The tweed scarf around his neck fluttered in the October breeze. The snow melted slowly on his pea coat and left beads of water glistening off of his disheveled hair.

“Thanks for coming,” Tweek murmured.

“Yeah.”

They stood in silence as the snow filled the space between them. Not even the birds called in the distance, as if the world was stopped in an exhale.

Tweek took a deep breath and flashed his eyes up at him. “Why didn’t you ever call me?”

“I couldn’t,” Craig said. 

Tweek shook his head, two words weren’t enough to explain fourteen years of silence. “Before you left, everything was perfect. I thought you had feelings for me.”

“My dad didn’t want me to talk to you.” 

Tweek’s breath caught. “Why?” 

“He didn’t want to be known as the dad of the first gay kid in South Park. He said my feelings for you were mixed up.” His voice softened. “He said I was confused.” 

“Is that why you moved?” 

“Yes,” Craig whispered.

The single word was held suspended in the air. But that answer Tweek had been looking for did nothing to ease the tension knotted in his chest. 

“You could have written me,” Tweek said quietly. 

Craig set his jaw and stared out at the pond.

“You could have called me anyways.” 

“I know,” he said softly. 

“Why didn’t you?!” Tweek shouted, his voice breaking.

Craig’s brows drew together. “I started to think my dad was right.”

“My life fell apart after you left.” Tweek’s eyes started to fill with tears. “I didn’t know how to trust anyone anymore. I had no one when my parents were arrested. I believed anyone I got close to would leave in the end. I thought it was my fault.” 

Craig’s head snapped up. “Your parents were arrested?”

Tweek nodded. “They were selling meth out of the back of their shop… and testing their product on me.” 

Craig shifted his weight and squeezed his eyes shut.

“I had no one, Craig. You were gone. You were my best friend.” Tweek exhaled sharply, tears began to leak out of the corner of his eyes. “I had never felt so empty. I had never been so desperate for any kind of comfort. I had never felt so worthless or disposable, never so unloved and unwanted." 

“I’m so sorry, Tweek,” Craig murmured. 

Tweek breathed out a shaky sigh. 

“You must have had someone though,” Craig said softly. “Everyone cared about you.” 

Tweek bit his lip and choked back a sob. “No one cared about me like you did.” 

Craig’s brows drew sharply together and his face pulled into a grimace, as if a knife had been driven through his heart.

“I lived with Scott until I graduated high school,” Tweek continued. 

“Scott Malkinson?” 

Tweek nodded. “We became really close after living together for so long. He was like a brother to me… Then he left me too.” Tweek tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but every word he spoke only made it grow until he was struggling to breath. "I really needed you all these years, Craig. Every time something went wrong, every time something went right, I wanted to share that with you.” 

“Why did you hang on for so long, Tweek?” Craig‘s lips were flush and quivering as he lifted his head. “I left you. I disappeared. I left your life without a word. How could you still want me with you?” 

“You made me believe in myself in a way I never have before! Everyone would call me a spaz or a freak. Even my own parents did! But you saw me, you really saw me! You knew my outburst weren’t because I was fucked in the head somehow. You knew what was hurting me and tried to make it better. You were empathetic and caring. You knew what I needed to hear to make me feel better. You made it so everything was right in the end. No one had ever done that for me before. No one has done that since!” 

Craig pursed his lips. Tweek could see a curtain of tears forming behind his bright eyes. “But we were just kids,” Craig said quietly. “We didn’t know what we were doing.”

Tweek breathed out a cry and held his hand to his chest. “You may not have known what you were doing but I did! My feelings for you were real! I loved you! Before I even knew what love was, I loved you!” 

Craig said nothing. But his uneven breaths were evident by the shaking clouds of ice drifting heavenwards. 

“You must have felt something for me too,” Tweek whispered.

Craig’s body tensed. “I’m not gay.” 

Tweek glanced down. “How long are you going to keep lying to yourself?”

Craig’s misty eyes flicked up to him. 

“I’ve seen the way you look at Sophia, the way you talk about her. There is something wrong with her.”

“I love her,” Craig said listlessly. 

“No.” Tweek’s slender fingers tightened around the hem of his sweater. “I don’t know what your relationship is. But it’s not love.”

“Why are you telling me all of this Tweek?” 

“I just… I know we haven’t spoken in years. I don’t know very much about you anymore. But I can still feel you. I can still read you. What we had was special.”

“Tweek,” Craig started, his voice carrying a note of despair. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you. You’re right, I’m not the same person I used to be. I don’t know how to sort out my feelings. I really am confused. I knew I had to come here, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. Seeing you again? It turned everything on its head. I don’t know what to believe anymore. Being with you this past week, has made me happier than the three years I’ve spent with Sophia. I-I don’t know what that means.”

Tweek reached out with a hand of ice. His trembling fingers glided against his flawless skin and lingered on his cheek. Craig gazed back at him with a distraught expression and eyes swimming with unshed tears. Tweek gently closed his eyes and raised himself up on his toes. Their lips brushed tenderly against each other. Craig stayed perfectly still. Tweek swayed slightly pulling back and let his hand fall from his face. In that instant, Craig’s skin became grayed, his lips slightly parted, a single tear slid from his eye and bled into the fallen snow.

“I’m sorry, Tweek,” he murmured. 

Craig took an unsteady step back, and passed like a ghost from view. 

Tweek’s body began to shake. His heart pounded feverishly in his hollow chest. He held his hands up to his face. His vision blurred. His legs could no longer support his weight as he sank to his knees. 

Tears poured from his eyes like blood from a freshly opened wound.


	10. Chapter 10

Tweek took one last drag from his cigarette and stamped it out in the gutter. He rarely smoked anymore but still kept a pack on him for occasions like this. Tweek sucked in a sharp breath of air and pushed open the door. He was sure his eyes would reflect the ache in his heart.

Butter’s glanced up at him from the couch. He was laying casually on his back with their cat curled up on his chest. Butters only needed a quick glance to tell how their meeting went.

“Please tell me Kenny isn’t home.” Tweek murmured. 

“He’s at work.” Butters said as he sat up. Their cat jumped down and started rubbing his head against Tweek’s leg.

“I think I would have rather continued to live in my fantasy world.” Tweek said quietly as he sat down on the couch.

Butters crawled next to him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry, Tweek.”

Tweek stifled in a cry. The feelings were still raw.

“I don’t know what I should have expected. He’s getting married. I was stupid to think I would be able to change anything. I just made things harder for him.” Tweek pulled his hands up to his face. “I’m so selfish.”

Butters sat back and put his hands in his lap. “What happened?”

Tweek took a deep breath out and started to explain. Their conversation haunted him, crushed him, it replayed like a child's taunt in his head. But the harsh words from Craig’s mouth didn’t match the soft way he said them. There was a pain that laced his words. A sadness that underscored every devastating blow.

“…And he said he wasn’t gay.”

The long silence that followed was broken by a choked in laugh. Tweek glanced up to Butters. His hands were covering his mouth and his shoulders shook. Tweek couldn’t help but smile and exhale a shaky laugh as well. 

“Craig is definitely gay.” Butters finally said after bringing his hands down.

“I know!” Tweek gushed.

“What are you going to do now? Are you still going out with him on Friday?”

Tweek shook his head. “I don’t think I can see him again without breaking down like this.”

“Well you can come see Les Misérables with Kenny and I! It will take your mind off of things for a while.”

“I’d love that, thanks Butters. It’s been too long since I’ve gone to the theater anyways.”

“It’s going to be alright, buddy.” Butters said, patting him on the shoulder.

Tweek’s lip tipped up into a half-smile. “I know it will be.” He said softly. “I said all I needed to say. Nothing changed. Nothing will change. I need to work on moving on.” 

***

The scent of roses in Tweek’s hand failed to mask the overwhelming odor of damp moss and freshly disturbed earth as he walked across the gravel path. Lichen and withered vines curled around forgotten tombstones. The evening sun cast warm rays of light upon the inscriptions in a vain attempt at worldly remembrance.

He ducked under low hanging branches of overgrown trees and stepped through rustling leaves blown by the wind.

He stopped at the polished white stone at the end of the path. The bouquet in his hand weighted down his arm as Scott’s name engraved in the headstone stared back at him.

“Tweek?”

He turned around to Clyde’s burly figure silhouetted behind him. He too carried a colorful bouquet of flowers that looked too heavy to bear, even in his large, athletic hands.

“Clyde? What are you doing here?” Tweek instantly regretted the question. There is only one reason people came to cemeteries.

“It’s my mom’s birthday.” Clyde said solemnly.

Tweek reached down to his bouquet and pulled out a delicate pink rose, dew still glistening on the petals. He passed it to Clyde with a soft smile.

“Happy birthday, Mrs. Donovan.”

The tension in Clyde’s shoulders seemed to ease. “Thanks, Tweek.”

“I’m sorry about Scott.” Clyde said, stepping next to him. “I was shocked when I heard. I know you guys were close.”

“He was the last family member I had.” Tweek said quietly.

“What about your parents?”

Tweek shook his head. “They chose the drugs over me. I haven’t spoken to them in 10 years. Sometimes I feel like I only ever got in the way of their business to begin with. They weren’t the most loving parents anyways, I don’t miss them much.”

Tweek glanced over at Clyde as he plucked the leaves off of the flowers and let them float to the ground.

“Sorry that was a little heavy.” Tweek said.

“It’s okay.” Clyde said, quieting his hands. “Places like this aren’t normally known for lighthearted conversations. How long do your parents have left?”

“5 years for the drug charge and 10 years for the felony child endangerment.” 

“Do you forgive them?”

“I do.” Tweek shifted his weight. “But that doesn’t mean I want them in my life again. I can’t imagine having a normal relationship with the people who drugged me my entire childhood.”

Clyde breathed out a deep sigh. “Sorry you had to go through all of that. I’m sorry I didn’t do more to try and help you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like we were in the same circle of friends anymore.”

“That shouldn’t have mattered. You were always there for everyone else in high school. You visited me after my motorcycle accident. You baked Token that cake when he got rejected to Yale. And I don’t know all the details with what happened with Kenny in senior year, but I can put two and two together. He was running his life into the ground. Everyone could see that. I’m pretty sure you saved his life.”

“I just like being able to help other people. In whatever small way that may be.”

“Small things mean a lot to people going through big things.”

Tweek felt his lip curve into a small smile. “Thanks, Clyde.”

“No problem. I hope things get easier for you.” He paused and twisted his lips. “Sorry. That was probably bad timing.”

Tweek breathed out a small laugh. “Yeah. Maybe a little.” 

“Token and I didn’t even know he was coming back until he was already on the plane. He said he was going to stick around for a while to show Sophia around, but, I have a feeling that wasn’t the whole truth.”

Tweek peered up at him and cocked his head.

“He’s moving to London at the end of the month. I think he wanted to tie up loose ends here before leaving.”

Tweek’s stomach clenched. He shouldn’t care about where Craig was running off to next, but having him a continent away tore at his chest.

Tweek gripped the bouquet of roses in his hand, the thorns dug into his palm. “I probably didn’t make things easier for him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I confessed to him a few days ago.” Tweek said meekly. 

“That makes sense.” Clyde murmured.

“He didn’t seem like he had any lingering feelings for me though.”

“I don’t think he would be as upset as he is if he didn’t. But I can never tell what that kid is thinking anymore… Craig changed a lot after he moved. He only cared about you and his guinea pig. Then he woke up one day without either. I don’t know how to describe it but it’s like he just, shut off after that day.” 

Tweek pursed his lips. He could understand. Losing Craig was harder than losing his parents, harder than losing Scott. Since the day Craig left, he had been trying to chase happiness like he was chasing a shadow. He knew 14 years was a long time to hang on to someone. But Craig made him feel safe, warm, and loved. Tweek. The paranoid, meth-addicted, 10-year-old. His teachers ignored him. His parents used him as a lab rat. His classmates groaned when they were grouped together. But Craig? Craig looked at him like he was the evening star cut from the night sky. Deep down, Tweek’s heart still beat endlessly for him, it always would. 

“I know it was difficult for you too.” Clyde said quietly.

Tweek’s eyes became watery. He stared towards the setting sun, his mind falling into the sorrow he was so accustom to.

Clyde cleared his throat. “When this is all over, you should come to a Broncos’ game with Token and me. His parent’s have box seats.”

Tweek lifted his gaze. Clyde had a soft smile on his lips and kindness shining in his eyes. Tweek had no interest in sports but found himself nodding.

Clyde clasped his large hand over his shoulder and flashed him grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “It will all be okay, Tweek.”

Tweek couldn’t help but smile back at him. He wasn’t sure whether Clyde’s sudden friendliness stemmed from guilt or empathy. But he wasn’t about to reject the comfort from another when it was offered so willingly.

“Thanks, Clyde.” He said softly, blinking away the tears. “I look forward to it.”

Clyde gave him one last reassuring pat on the shoulder then took off down the East path. Tweek let his face slip back into its somber stare and turned to Scott’s final resting place.

“I wish you were here.” He said softly. “I really need you now. I need you here with me.” Tweek stared down at the unmoving stone, just a rock over a pile of dirt. He placed the flowers at the grave and stood back up. 

His body numbed as a languid breeze swept through the hallowed necropolis. 

He whispered into the wind. “I don’t want to be left behind again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying the story so far! After the next chapter, it definitely picks up speed.  
> Comments and Kudos make my day :)  
> (they really do - I squeal like a schoolgirl when noticed by senpai)


	11. Chapter 11

If Kenny had to watch Mrs. Applegate gum one more spoonful of boiled cabbage, he was going to vomit. Luckily, supper was almost over and his break was next.

Mrs. Applegate dabbed her mouth with her cloth napkin then placed it over the half-eaten plate of food. She gripped onto the side of the table and pulled herself to her feet. Kenny grabbed onto the side of her gait belt and pivoted her into her wheelchair. She forgot she no longer had the strength required to walk.

He wheeled her backwards into the bustling sitting room, her curious hands reached for every colorful marvel that whizzed passed her. He collapsed on one of the couches with a heavy sigh and buried his face in his hands.

She gazed up at him with cloudy, wide eyes. “When is supper, dear?”

“Are you hungry?” Kenny asked, peering through the cracks in his fingers.

“No,” she rasped.

“Then I’ll come and get you when supper is ready,” he mumbled. 

“Okay, dear,” she said, grinning. She propelled herself to the nearby credenza and began sifting through the drawers.

Kenny drew his eyes up to the clock on the wall and made a mental note of when his break started. Not that it mattered. No one _really_ got breaks when working memory care at Shady Acres. He slid the nearby “People” magazine into his lap and fanned through the pages. He had read this issue several times. They only kept magazines from the 70’s and 80’s around anyways.

“I’m pooped!”

The high-pitched squeak from the med cart stilled and Leo plopped down dangerously close to him. For a moment, he thought Leo was about to sprawl out directly on top of him, like he did almost every night at home.

Kenny resisted the urge to rest his weary head on Leo’s shoulder. “How much longer until med pass?”

“Half an hour,” Leo replied. “If I’m lucky. Gigi is sundowning pretty hard.”

They turned their gaze to the old woman frocked in a night gown with her arms out stretched. Her slippers scuffled across the linoleum floor as she mumbled under her breath. 

“It’s going to be one of those nights, isn’t it?” Kenny muttered.

“Looks like it.”

They continued to watch the woman pick up the old decorative phones and whisper the name “Harry” into the receiver. Her worrisome gaze drifted from person to person. She reached out with needy hands and clung onto every passerby, desperate for an answer to where Harry was. It was her usual routine and the staff had become numb to her pleas. But every now and again, it triggered a crippling pang of sorrow deep in his heart.

“Do you think I’m going to end up like that?” Kenny asked. “Roaming around all day, asking where my husband is?”

“I always imagine you bein’ the dementia type to shake their cane at everyone and demand a beer first thing in the mornin’.”

Kenny chuckled and stole a glance of Leo’s beaming grin. Kenny swore Leo’s smile was God’s greatest gift to the world.

“If any one’s gonna be the lost dementia resident lookin’ for their husband it’d be me,” Leo said.

Kenny furrowed his brows and bit the inside of his cheek. “Nah. It’d be Tweek.”

“What’d ya mean?”

“He’s pretty much already doing it with Craig. He’s always hanging on hope he’ll come back to him but he never will. You can redirect him with a perfect guy but Tweek will never give him a chance because he’s not Craig. I don’t get it. Tweek is like some old romantic that believes love only comes once in a lifetime.” Kenny clicked his tongue and scoffed. “And out of 7 billion people he had to pick that asshole.”

Kenny stared off into the motel style landscape painting in front of them. He shouldn’t have said anything. Everything good that’s happened in his life he’s owed to Tweek. If it wasn’t for him, he would have never gone to rehab, never graduated high school, probably never even lived long enough to date Leo. Tweek deserved the best. And Craig was far from the best. 

“I think Craig makes Tweek happy,” Leo said quietly. “Or at least, he did at one point.”

“Tweek was happy before Craig came back around. And Tweek will be a lot happier once he leaves again.”

Leo gazed up at him under his thick, blond lashes. “Ya really think Tweek is happy?”

Kenny shrugged. “Sure things are tough now with Scott passing away and all, but yeah, I think Tweek’s happy. I always see him with a smile on his face and the only thing he ever complains about is work. His dating history is a bit of a mess but that doesn’t mean he isn’t happy.”

Leo stared at the ground, flicking the clasp on his name tag open and shut. Kenny could tell Leo didn’t agree with him, but Leo wasn’t one to speak his mind without being properly encouraged. 

“Why?” Kenny leaned against the armrest and cupped his chin in his hand. “You don’t think so?”

“I donno.” Leo let his name tag slide between his fingers. “It’s just sometimes when I look at him I feel like-”

“Butters!”

Leo flinched in his seat. His hand instinctively flew to his face. Kenny’s expression hardened into a grimace. He never flinched when he called him ‘Leo’.

“Make sure your cart is stocked with gloves by the time you clock out! Night shift complained your cart wasn’t stocked yesterday!” The woman shouted.

“O-okay!” Leo stammered.

Leo sank into his chair and raked back his hair with a trembling hand. Kenny brushed his thumb across Leo’s knee. Kenny could see the desperate need to flee flickering in Leo’s eyes, he could feel his pain. Kenny wanted to pull him close and keep him there until he forgot the meaning of the word ‘fear’, though he knew it would be impossible. While he wasn’t able to protect Tweek when the ghost from his past came back to torment him, he sure as hell would protect Leo if the Stotch’s dared to claw their way back into his life. 

“Have you seen my Harry?”

Kenny shot up in his seat.

The old woman took a few tottering steps backward. Kenny gripped her elbow to keep her upright. Her haggard face twisted into a muted sob.

“Oh shit you scared me,” Kenny exhaled under his breath.

“I don’t know where he is.” The old woman’s voice broke, her thin, brittle lips quivered. “He said he would call me but I haven’t heard from him.”

“I’ll be sure to let you know when he calls, I promise,” Kenny said, his heart still racing.

“He left me without saying anything,” she cried. “I’ll never see him again.” Tears began to fill in her bleary eyes.

“Gigi?” Leo’s voice rang like a clear bell beside him. “Harry called, he said he will be back soon and he asked me to play your favorite song for you while we wait.”

Her face lit up. The years faded from her weathered skin. “He did?!”

“Yeah!” Leo replied. He took out his phone and skimmed through his playlists.

Kenny sat back on the couch to let his heart calm and watch his boyfriend work his magic.

“Wanna dance with me?” Leo asked with a smile, holding out his hand.

Just as Gigi placed her hand in his, “We’ll Meet Again” by Vera Lynn resonated through the small phone in his scrub pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for all of the encouragement <3  
> I was overwhelmed by the amount of support you guys gave me, it made me so fuckin' happy you're all so wonderful T_T  
> I'm so super stoked for the next three chapters. They're all finished but I want to polish them into beautiful, glistening pearls because they're my favorite chapters and I based the entire story around them (Seriously, I wrote these three chapters first then worked my way back).  
> Thank you again for the support T_T , I'd have scrapped this project long ago if it wasn't for you all. I'm glad so many people are enjoying the story so far ^_^  
> Take care and stay safe <3


	12. Chapter 12

Light conversations buzzed around him, heels tapped against the wooden floors, and somewhere in the distance, wine glasses were being toasted against each other. Tweek took in the rich scent of garlic bread and goat cheese, mingling with an earthy hint of fresh pesto then weighed his options.

“I’ll take the house red,” Tweek said as he set the menu down. He glanced up at the waitress with a small smile.

“How can you have never seen this before?” Kenny said, his arm wrapped around Butters’s shoulder.

Tweek shrugged. “They haven’t brought this production here.”

“You know they made it into a movie, right?”

“I don’t have a TV.”

“You have a laptop, don’t you?”

Tweek snorted. “I can’t even get that thing to play music. Let alone a movie.”

“Well maybe that’s a good thing. You’re the type of person who’d enjoy it seeing it live more anyways.”

Kenny was right, Tweek loved the theater. He loved the bright lights, the dedicated actors. He loved the way their voices carried into the audience, the feeling of the music flowing into him. To Tweek, the theater was magic.

“4B.” A voice rang above them. “This is your table.” Chairs scraped along the floor. “I’ll be right back with another menu.”

One of the drawbacks of dinner theater was being forced to share a table. The thespian strangers were either a blessing or a curse. A blessing if they ignored your existence, a curse if they tried to make small talk.

“These seats are horrible.”

The hair on Tweek’s arms stood up. His body tensed. A whiff of sandalwood crossed him. Heat coursed through his veins. A presence joined him at his side.

He knew.

He could _feel_ him there.

Tweek turned at the same moment he did. Their eyes connected. A thick, static charge built between them.

“Hey, Tweek,” Craig said, his voice shaking. 

Tweek’s lips parted and he shot his eyes down. “Craig,” he whispered. 

“Oh a little queer couple! How sweet!” Sophia giggled, leaning into Craig. “That’s how you know you’re really in a theater.”

Kenny and Butters exchanged glances with raised brows. 

“Oh, I’m sorry was that rude? Would you rather me refer to you as a gay couple?” She asked.

“Sophia, stop,” Craig said sternly.

She playfully pushed his shoulder. “I’m just trying to be friendly, dear.”

The waitress appeared in time to break the tense atmosphere. Craig ordered the house white while Sophia mulled over the menu, making sure to add commentary to every drink on the menu. She settled on a martini in a huff. 

“They probably use Everclear or something. These places rip you off always trying-”

“Just. Stop,” Craig said.

Craig rested his chin in his hand and turned to Tweek. “Have you seen this before?” 

Tweek’s body turned ridged before relaxing again. “No. I haven’t.”

Craig’s lip tipped up. “I think you’re really going to like it,” he said softly.

Warmth flooded his cheeks when he saw that crooked smile. Craig’s smile could tear down his defenses like they were made of sand and he was the rising tide.

“We saw it in New York.” Sophia said, pushing herself into their conversation. “2018 original cast too,” she added.

Craig’s eyes flicked down and he twisted his lips.

Just as their drinks landed on the table the lights began to dim. Tweek tried to focus on the elaborate backdrop and the costumes as the actors made their way onto the stage. He concentrated on their voices, anything to distract him from Craig’s enigmatic presence. He was so close, only a foot away, the space between them was palpable. As the play went on, he began to relax. He was transported to France in the 1800’s. Every note sung in his chest. His lips turned up into a smile with each sweet melody. He was lost in the scenes playing before him. Just as Marius decided to join the uprising. The lights gradually turned back on.

Tweek brought his sweaty hands down from his chin and wiped them off on his pants.

“This is incredible,” Tweek said, almost to himself.

“See? I told you that you would like it,” Craig said turning to him with a genuine smile. 

Kenny chuckled lightly next to him. Tweek and Craig looked over at them. Butters was sound asleep on Kenny’s shoulder. Kenny kissed him softly on the top of the head before running his fingers through his hair.

“Does this happen a lot?” Craig asked. 

“Almost always.” Kenny laughed quietly. “I can’t take him anywhere at night.” Kenny held him tighter to his chest. “He’s out like a light after 9pm.” The endearing expression on Kenny’s face as he gazed at Butters made Tweek’s heart swell.

The waitress came back around and refilled their drinks. Tweek was already tipsy but the alcohol warming his body relaxed him enough to overlook the people beside him.

The theater darkened. Tweek was transported back into their world the second the last house light flickered off.

Tweek’s heart dropped and head pounded at the final scene. Jean Valjean lays still, awaiting death. Fantine and Éponine appeared before him, guiding him to heaven. The softly sung words: “to love another person is to see the face of God" echoed in his head. Jean Valjean was finally at peace, he was forgiven. He was loved.

The actors appeared on stage and began to bow. Tweek clapped slowly. Emotions overwhelmed him. The pain, the familiar feeling, swept over him. When the lights turned back on, a tear slid down his cheek.

“Ready to get out of here?” Kenny said, gently shaking Butters.

Kenny glanced back at Tweek. A flicker of concern crossed Kenny’s face. “Hey, are you okay?” 

Tweek’s wide, luminous eyes were transfixed on the table. Pearl-shaped tears rolled down his cheek. Tweek didn’t bother collecting himself. He wasn’t about to sob. He wasn’t about to break down. He just wanted to sit in the moment, connect with a character on a level that brought him a sad sort of comfort.

A hand smoothed over his shoulder. Tweek’s head rose slightly. He glanced over at Craig. His face was soft; his hand was calm, warm, comforting. 

“I’m sorry,” Tweek muttered as his voice broke. He wiped a tear from his eye with his sweater.

“Aww. He’s crying!” Sophia teased. “Look, dear! He’s crying at the worst rendition of Les Miz that’s ever graced the stage!” Her chuckles morphed into boisterous laughter. 

Tweek’s tears began to fall for a different reason. He suddenly felt ashamed, embarrassed. Why was it so bad to feel sad?

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Craig hissed. 

Craig’s hand fell from Tweek’s shoulder. His eyes dug into hers. Flames burned in his eyes.

“What?” Her laughter abruptly stopped, as if a string had been broken. She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Oh come on, Craig! You have to admit the little man crying is kind of funny.”

“No. No it’s not.” Craig’s voice rose. “It’s a sad fucking play! There is nothing wrong with showing emotion! There is nothing wrong with feeling sad!”

Her smile slipped. Her face hardened. “I don’t like the way you’re speaking to me.”

“I’m speaking to you the way you deserve! You’re being cruel! You’re being heartless!” 

“Me? _I’m_ heartless? You’re the one who’s heartless!” She shot up from her seat, slamming her hands down on the table. “You’re embarrassing me in front of your friends! You’re patronizing me! And all over a small joke!” 

Craig remained as still as a statue and just as stoic. His voice deepened, eyes narrowed. “It’s not a joke.” The words rumbled in his chest. “Being cruel isn’t a joke.”

Sophia’s nails clawed against the table as she drew her hands to her side. Craig continued staring at her. Her seething set a heavy weight over the room, making it hard to breathe.

“You never pay attention to what I’m saying! You’re always making up your own stories as an excuse to yell at me! But if you think I’m so cruel then don’t bother coming to the mansion tonight!” She shouted. “I don’t want to see you! I don’t want to hear from you! You need to get your emotions under control before you speak to me again, I don’t know how much longer I can put up with your violent outbursts.” She turned on her stiletto heels with a barely concealed smirk. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and sauntered out the door. 

Tweek, Kenny, and a now fully awake Butters stared up at Craig in awe.

Craig rubbed the back of his neck and breathed out a heavy sigh. “Fuck.” He clenched his jaw and turned to face the exit. “Where is the nearest hotel?” He muttered. 

“There isn’t one for a few miles out,” Kenny said. “Motel 6 is closest.” 

“Fantastic,” Craig said under his breath. 

Craig shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking out the door. Tweek scrambled out of his chair racing after him. The cold Colorado air swept through him as he caught up to Craig. Tweek gently grabbed his arm. The second Tweek’s hand touched him, the static electricity that had been building up between them sparked. They hastily drew away from each other. Their hearts skipped a beat in unison. Craig gazed down at him. Tweek’s eyes were glittering with tears, his lips rose petal pink. Tweek clasped his hands together and glanced to the side.

“You can stay at my place tonight,” he said softly. “It’s not far.”

Craig’s eyes widened. Tweek could hear Kenny and Butters’s footsteps approaching behind him. 

“I-I have a futon,” Tweek continued. “It’s not the most comfortable place, but at least you won’t have to walk several miles and pay for a hotel.” 

Craig paused and tilted his head toward the blackened sky. Tendrils of moonlight cascaded down upon his ivory skin. Minutes seemed to pass in silence that solidified like ice.

“Are you sure?” Craig asked.

Tweek flicked his eyes up. “It will be fine. It’s my fault you guys got into a fight in the first place.” 

“No. It’s not your fault,” Craig said gently. “But if you’re sure, I can stay at your place tonight.”

Tweek nodded. A half smile bloomed on his lips.

“Tweek-“ Kenny started.

“It’s fine,” Tweek said. He turned to Craig and gestured down the road. “I live in Shi Tpa Town. It’s only a few blocks from here.”

Tweek began walking away with Craig by his side. Tweek glanced back and gave Butters and Kenny a reassuring wave. Butters was tugging lightly on Kenny’s arm as Kenny stood absolutely still, staring after them.

Tweek took a deep breath out then pulled out a carton of cigarettes from his pocket.

“I’m sorry about Sophia,” Craig said, a pang of guilt in his voice.

“Don’t keep apologizing for her,” Tweek said simply.

Craig glanced at Tweek as he lit the cigarette with a small flame. 

“Can I have one of those?” He asked.

Tweek gazed up at him with red rimmed eyes and passed him his last cigarette. Tweek paused and flicked his lighter. Craig leaned in and breathed out a smoke filled sigh. The tip flickered into a burning ember. 

“Since when did you start smoking, Tweek?” Craig asked.

“Since I was 17,” Tweek said, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “You?”

Craig’s mouth softened, then formed a smile. “I don’t smoke.” 

“Sorry for potentially getting you into a bad habit then.” Tweek laughed.

“Don’t worry about it.” He chuckled. “Making poor life choices is what I’m best at.”

They continued their walk in silence. The town’s arts district was alive with drunken laughter and stumbling young adults. The rows of glowing street lamps were hardly necessary with the neon lights flooding out into the street.

“This is my place.” Tweek said, pointing to a towering apartment building over a lively bar. 

They extinguished their cigarettes and made their way up the stairs. Tweek paused outside the door and turned back to Craig. “Pardon the mess.” He said with a shy smile. “I wasn’t expecting company.”

Tweek slid the key into the lock, then stepped inside.


	13. Chapter 13

A subtle wave of vanilla and fresh linen crossed them as they stepped into Tweek’s studio apartment. Tweek beelined to his desk and began to sift through the stacks of papers strewn across his desk. The room was otherwise spotless. The ceilings were vaulted, casting the illusion the room was larger than it was. Granite counter tops glistened under tear drop fixtures and the city lights gave off a soft blue glow as it bled through thin, cream colored curtains. Various houseplants added a subtle splash of color and breathed life into the small space. Muffled laughter and faint music from the bar downstairs seeped into the room. Several bookcases with a typewriter displayed in the middle towered above all else on the west wall. Worn and tattered books stuck out from the shelves. Craig bend forward, straining to read the titles.

“There’s a closet there to put your coat.” Tweek said, gesturing to a door by the entry way.

“This room fits you perfectly.” Craig said, peeling off his coat.

Tweek glanced up at him. He placed the last stack of papers neatly next to his laptop and leaned on his desk. “Thanks. I spend most of my time here- writing, reading. Generally just closing myself off from the rest of the world.”

“You don’t have a TV?”

Tweek laughed softly. “Why does everyone mention that?”

“Well it is unusual.” Craig sat down on the futon and took another look around the room. “Most apartments have more TV’s than bookcases.”

“Not mine.” 

“What’s with the typewriter?”

“Oh? That? It was, um, a gift.” Tweek said, adjusting the shoulders of his sweater.

Craig raised his brow and tipped up his lip. “Why do you look so uncomfortable? Was it an anniversary gift?”

Tweek rolled his eyes. Like he ever dated anyone long enough to have an anniversary. “No. It was a birthday gift from someone I was dating at the time.”

“That was a nice gift.”

“Expensive gift.” Tweek sat down next to him and folded his hands in his lap. “We had only been dating a month and he got that for me. I broke up with him a week later.”

Craig hummed and relaxed his arm over the back of the couch.

Tweek peered over at him. “This is where you’re supposed to ask if I offered to give it back to him or tell me I’m a bad person for keeping it or something.”

“I’m not going to shame or guilt you for keeping something that was given to you, Tweek. And you’re not a bad person. I’m not sure if someone put that in your head or you convinced yourself of it but regardless, it isn’t true.”

Tweek’s heart skipped a beat. He licked his lips gone dry and tore his eyes back to his lap. He wasn’t sure why Craig’s words were having such an effect on him, but it was becoming clear having him over may not have been a very wise decision.

Tweek cleared his throat. “Did you want me to get you anything to drink? Sorry I forgot to ask.”

Craig turned to him with an embarrassed sort of grin. “I don’t suppose you have any brandy, do you?”

“Is wine okay?” Tweek asked. “We can also go downstairs to the bar if you’d like.” He had to admit he was eager for something to take the edge off too.

“Wine would be perfect. I think I’ve had enough of people today. Thanks, Tweek.”

Tweek crossed the room and poured a Riesling wine into his two nicest glasses. His hands were shaking as he passed the drink over to Craig.

“So did-“

“Are you-“

They said together.

“You first.” Tweek said, taking a sip of wine.

Craig set his glass down and flicked his eyes up to him. “Are you – happy, Tweek?”

Tweek choked on his drink. No one had ever asked him in such an upfront way. 

“I-I’m not sure how to answer that.” Tweek said, gripping his glass tighter.

Tweek glanced up at Craig. His head was tilted, his eyes moved about Tweek’s face as if he would find the answer there. It was too late for Tweek to put on his happy facade.

“I don’t know.” He started. “I love my job. I love my friends. I’m fine where I am in life. But I don’t think, happy, is the right word...”

Tweek was tired of the fake smile, the effort it took to put the crinkle by his eyes. The pinch in his chest every time he would lie and say he was fine. Maybe his cheerful act would work on Craig. Perhaps not. Either way, he was tired of pretending. Tired of denying himself the right to be honest with his feelings. What would it hurt to be honest with someone for once, for just one night? 

Tweek sighed. “A lot happened while you were gone, Craig. I tried to fill that piece of me that left with you however I could. I spent so many years trying to heal others, instead. I poured out my love without measure. But I never knew how to ask for it in return. I was always just that stupid child holding out for love... I guess in a way, I still am.”

“You’re not stupid, Tweek.” Craig said quietly. “You’re the most empathetic person I’ve ever met… I was wrong to leave the way I did.” 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s in the past.” Tweek gazed up at him. “What about you? Are you happy?”

“No.” Craig murmured.

Craig’s face was still as he answered. His face was void of emotion, as if he felt as empty as Tweek did.

“I don’t feel like I’m in control of my life. I wandered through the years without any thought about where I was going. Nothing I did felt important - of any consequence. I just woke up one day and my life had already been picked out for me. But now I’m stuck here. I’m not passionate about any aspect of my life.” Craig took a sip of his drink and glanced out the window. “I’m not even sure happiness is a real feeling. ‘Happy’ is only a word in children’s books, it doesn’t exist in reality.” 

“But you’re going to get married.” Tweek said softly, trying to suppress the nausea that rose when he said those words out loud. “Marrying the person you love is supposed to make you happy.”

“Being stuck with that woman terrifies me.”

“Then get out of that relationship. I saw the way she treats you, it isn’t healthy.”

“I’ve tried to get out of it before.” Craig’s voice was coarse, like speaking was painful. “I don’t know how, or why, but we always end up back together.”

Tweek set his glass on the table and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry, Craig. But you need to do something. Even if it’s running away somewhere again. If you’re not happy with her now, then you’re never going to be.”

“She needs me.” He said the words as if they had been rehearsed. As if he had said them so many times he forgot their meaning.

“Do you really think she needs you?” Tweek said quietly. “Or did she just tell you that so many times you started to believe it?”

Tweek glanced up to be met with his imploring gaze. His brows were pulled in. His mouth was slightly agape. He looked as if he was trying to sort out fact and fiction, like Tweek had pulled back the curtain and exposed his own insanity.

“Look,” Tweek started, “you have to make your own decisions about this. Take control of your life. If you don’t know what will make you happy, at least do something that won’t make you miserable.” 

Tweek could feel his nose tingle and water pool behind his eyes. He didn’t know if it was a remnant from the theater or the fact that Craig hadn’t realized the extent of the manipulation he’s been put through all these years. All he knew was that neither one of them were happy, and neither one knew if they ever could be. 

A tear began to leak from the corner of Tweek’s eye. He hastily stood up before Craig would have to watch him cry again.

“I’ll be right back.” Tweek mumbled, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

Tweek walked into the bathroom and braced himself against the porcelain sink. He drew his head up to the mirror. His face glistened with a new coat of freshly fallen tears. He lifted his glasses and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He took a steady breath out and reminded himself Craig was engaged, he was too far into that woman’s trap to see the reality. One way or another, Craig was going to leave again. Their time together was limited. He stopped his train of thought. Thinking too far into it will only welcome a new series of tears. He steadied himself, then opened the door.

His gaze drifted up to Craig standing next to his desk. His head was lowered. He stared deeply into his cradled hands. Tweek crept closer, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. Craig’s eyes drew up to meet his. The soft glow from the city lights reflected the metal from Tweek’s fidget spinner as Craig placed it carefully back on his desk. Craig stepped towards him, the smell of cologne wafted towards him. Craig’s eyes were brimming with silver tears that shone brightly in the moonlight. He reached up to Tweek and framed his face in his hands. They stared into each other for an immeasurable moment. Craig closed his eyes. Their lips met in a gentle caress. Tweek’s mind whirled. Craig’s mouth was as soft as cotton candy and just as sweet. He moved his hands behind the small of Tweek’s back and pressed their bodies closer together. A rush of heat coursed through Tweek’s veins as they began to breathe each other in, sucking in warm breaths of air through short gasps. His lips slowly parted with a small moan as Craig’s warm tongue slipped inside. Their curious hands began to map each other’s bodies, canvassing defined grooves of torsos, of shoulders, of clavicles. Tweek pressed his hand to Craig’s cheek and traced the contours of his face with his fingertips, memorizing every delicate curve, burning it into his mind. The tiny apartment began to fill with the sounds of quiet moans. Tweek pulled away, feeling his pulse hum through his lips. Craig’s eyes flickered like a candle when he stared down at him. There was a light, a spark, an undeniable burning desire that threaded the sky blue of his eyes. 

“Craig, you’re-“

“I know.” He breathed as his lips crashed back into his.

Tweek stumbled back and fell onto the bed. Before air was able to reach his lungs Craig was on top of him. Tweek reached his hands up and wrapped his arms around his neck, taking no more than a span of two fragile heartbeats for their lips to meet again. Tweek’s hand ran down the back of his shirt and felt along his curved shoulder blades that pushed out of the back of his shirt like hidden wings. Craig’s hand grazed down Tweek’s thigh and hitched his knee up to his hip. Their breathing picked up and hearts raced together. With cautious fingers, Tweek traced along the waist band of Craig’s pants before deftly undoing the button. He pulled the zipper down slowly, Craig’s tongue continued to explore his mouth, the grip around his knee tightened as the zipper finished its descent. 

Craig drew his hand from his knee to the inside of his thigh before unbuttoning his pants and sliding his hand into his underwear. Tweek’s breath caught as his hand rubbed gently over him. His body flushed. His spine curved. He moaned softly into Craig’s mouth. With a slender finger, Tweek tugged down Craig’s pants until they fell to the floor. Craig mirrored his motions. Their mouths didn’t dare break for air, they were connected, fighting to breathe through locked lips. Tweek’s hands slid his boxers down and brushed his hand against him, encouraging a heady moan. They pulled back and took turns tearing off each other’s clothes until they could feel one another’s labored breaths against bare skin. 

They fell back into each other; touching, holding, pining, desire overtaking them in hot, breaking waves. Tweek crawled back on the bed and let his head fall onto a pillow. Craig stared over him like an avenging angel, his eyes drank in every inch of him, savoring his body. Tweek lied there staring up at him for several moments, his thoughts all consumed by the man above him with hair of midnight black and eyes of quasar blue. 

Craig’s head lowered to meet his lips again. His fingers moved over Tweek’s ribs gently as a harpist’s as he searched for his length. Tweek bit down tenderly on his lip as Craig’s touch sent pulses of pleasure through him. Craig’s lips skimmed along the curve of his jaw, coming to rest on his neck. His warm breaths sent chills through his whole body. Tweek slowly began to grind in his hand as he reached out for him, moaning softly into each other.

Craig’s hand traced underneath him then paused.

“Uh.” Craig sat up. “Do you have any - ”

Tweek threw open the nightstand drawer with enough power to topple it to the floor.

Craig chuckled. “I’m going to give you some lube, okay?” 

Tweek felt his mouth tip up into a smile that turned into a groan as Craig’s finger slipped inside. Craig lowered his head and brushed his lips softly over Tweek’s freckled cheek. He took a sharp breath in feeling the pressure increase. 

“Is this okay?” Craig murmured.

“Mhmm.” Tweek stared up at him with shaking lips and aching body. ”Yeah, I’m ready.“

Craig reached back into the drawer and snatched the nearest condom, ripping it open in one motion. As he watched him roll the condom on, his breathing hitched. He had been wanting this for so long. He had been dreaming about this. Craig stared down between them as his hips began to roll forward.

“Wait.” Tweek breathed out. 

Craig’s lust blown eyes flicked up to him.

“I want you to look at me.” He whispered.

Craig lowered himself onto his elbows. He brushed a stray lock of blond hair that lay stuck to his forehead and gently kissed the corner of his mouth. He returned his enchanting gaze to his and eased his body into him. 

Tweek’s whole body relaxed as a long-winded moan spilled from his lips. The distance between them had been erased. Their barriers dispelled. All inhibitions had left as Craig continued to push inside of him. Their breathing reflected each others. The bed swayed from their movements. Craig lowered his head and moaned into his neck before softly biting the soft flesh on his collar bone, eliciting a sharp intake of air. He felt his way down Craig’s body, soaking in his warmth. Tweek’s hands became damp from dewdrops of perspiration that sweetened the air like morning rain. Tweek placed a finger on his chin and pulled him back into his mouth. Craig’s nails dug into his thigh as the pulses became faster. Tweek threw his head back with a lusting moan as Craig’s lips brushed against his throat. 

“Fuck.” Tweek breathed out. 

Craig smiled against his skin. Tweek held in the mounting pressure inside him. He didn’t want this to stop. He never wanted this to stop. He wanted to bathe in this moment for the rest of his life. Craig’s skin. His kisses. His warmth. His divine scent intoxicating him into a trance of euphoric bliss. Craig’s groans became louder. Tweek wrapped his arms over his shoulders and dug his nails down his back, making sure he would leave a mark. A sign he was there. A memory of this night carved into his flesh, even if only for a day. Craig’s hand gripped onto his member. Tweek was at a breaking point. The pressure. The rocking. The heavy breathing. Craig began to whisper his name like a prayer. Hearing his name whispered so tenderly through perfect lips numbed him out like a drug. Craig’s head came to rest on the crook of his neck before he breathed out a long heady moan, never stopping the pace of his hand until Tweek was driven into a state of complete abandon.

Craig’s lips smoothed over his collarbone, leaving a trail of warm kisses in his wake. He slowly sat up, slipping off the condom and dropping it in the nearby trashcan. Tweek’s head was still reeling. Pleasure held him down on the bed, the sticky substance on his stomach was completely forgotten as Craig fell back on the bed next to him.

Tweek’s heart continued to pound in his chest as he peered over at Craig lying next to him. His face was scarlet red, his chest still heaved as he sucked in long breaths of air through swollen lips. Tweek’s hand instinctively reached up and brushed his cheek with the back of his fingers. When Craig’s sapphire blue eyes flashed to his, Tweek suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Craig leaned into him and captured his lips in a sweet embrace. They released breathlessly and returned their stares to each other.

Tweek smiled. “I hope you didn’t just fuck me so you wouldn’t have to sleep on the futon.”

“It was a really uncomfortable futon, okay?” Craig laughed.

Tweek averted his eyes out of embarrassment as a chuckle escaped his lips. Craig wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him into his chest. Tweek’s eyes gently closed and he felt like he was floating. The aching in his chest that had been tormenting him for the past 14 years had started to mend as he lied curled up next to him, as if Craig’s body was a providential alter of healing and succor.

“Your hair smells like vanilla and coffee.” Craig murmured. 

Tweek was glad his face was hidden as he felt his cheeks warm, every word of affection from Craig’s beautiful voice felt like a caress. 

“You smell like wine and sweat.” Tweek said.

“Should I shower?”

“Don’t even think about moving.” Tweek said with a smile.

“Is this okay?” Craig said pressing his lips to his head. 

“I haven’t decided yet.” Tweek said softly, feeling his eyes gently close. “Do it again.” 

Tweek felt Craig’s warm breath against him as he chuckled and kissed his hair again.

“Mmhm, yeah that’s fine.” Tweek murmured, lifting his head and kissing the side of Craig’s jaw. “Do that as much as you like.”

Craig rested his cheek on Tweek’s head as their breathing evened out; until their hearts began to beat as one. Tweek’s eyes were heavy as they softly began to close.

Tweek felt them flutter open again as Craig tipped his chin up to meet his eyes. Craig held his gaze as his expression softened. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered.

Tweek’s heart sank as he stared at him, his eyes held so much pain. His voice was tinted with sorrow. 

“I think about you every day.” Tweek murmured, his eyes betraying him as they filled with tears. “You appear in my dreams every night.” His lips parted, exhaling a breathy cry. “No one has ever meant so much to me as you do.” Tweek closed his eyes and met Craig’s lips in a passionate kiss.

Craig’s hand ran through Tweek’s hair as he guided him back to his body.

Tweek rested his head down on his chest and closed his eyes. He listened to his heartbeat, feeling the warmth radiating from within. He draped his arm across his torso and pulled himself in closer. Craig continued to stroke Tweek’s hair until Tweek slipped into unconsciousness, curled up on his tear-soaked chest.


	14. Chapter 14

Dawn found him in an unfamiliar place. But a place of comfort and warmth all the same. Sunlight filtered through the curtains and bathed the room in glowing light. Craig glanced down to the boy next to him, the events of the night before came flooding back.

He steadied himself then took his time finding his clothes and getting dressed to the singing meadowlarks. He slipped on his shoes and took one last look at him. Tweek’s lithesome fingers were curled next to his face, his breaths were softer than an angel’s whisper. His gilded locks embellished the pillow and glowed in the morning light like a halo. He reached out and brushed the back of his fingers against Tweek’s cheek, eliciting a smile more fragile than butterfly wings. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the boy’s sun-warmed skin.

Craig slipped out the door, shutting it gently behind him.

A cold burst of air greeted him as he descended the stairs. He wound his scarf once more around his neck and stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

Only a handful of people were walking the streets as the sun peaked behind the tall mountains surrounding the town. Craig hadn’t yet took the time to really see how much had changed in the fourteen years he had been gone. His favorite restaurants had been replaced by food cart pods and the toy stores he frequented as a child had become niche boutiques. 

The elementary school looked frozen in time on that Saturday morning. But he could almost hear faint echos of jump rope rhymes over the frosted grass. He had walked the same streets hundreds of times growing up, it was as if the twists and turns were etched in his head somehow, a map of where he should return if he were to ever get lost.

In a matter of minutes, he found himself exactly there. Home. That purple house. Tweek’s house. The new owners installed planter boxes and cartoon stickers coated the windows. Trikes lay abandon and snow angels were barely visible on the drive way. 

Craig’s chest tightened. Staring at that home, memories from his past began to surface like ghosts from an unquiet dream.

~~~

“Hey, you guys. How are you feeling?” Stan asked.

Craig watched as half his third grade class crammed into their tiny hospital room. Why the hell did the nurse think this was going to cheer them up?

Craig let out a groan as a greeting. He didn’t even have the patience to entertain them on a normal day.

“Well, uh.” Stan mumbled, glancing at Kyle. “We just came by because we have something to tell you.”

“Yeah.” Kyle said in his matter-of-fact tone. The kind of tone that made him understand why Cartman hated him so much. “See, we got you to fight just 'cause we wanted to see who was the toughest. We made up all that stuff we said to get you guys mad at each other.” 

Craig gritted his teeth and raised his middle finger.

“Yes. You can flip us off, Craig.” Cartman jumped in. “We deserve that.We just came by to apologize. We feel so bad.”

“Boy, do we ever.” Kyle added.

Craig hated those guys. He was sure everyone hated them. They always seemed to be at each others throat until they set their sights on some other poor soul. So the way they were bouncing off each other made him wary. 

Stan glanced at the door and rocked back on his heels. “So I guess we'll be going now, and live with the knowledge that... you're both kind of sissies.”

“What?!” Craig and Tweek said in unison. 

“Well, I mean, that's what was on the news.”

“What was on the news?” Craig asked.

“Oh, you didn't see it?” Cartman’s portly face dimpled. “Oh. Tweek's family was on the news saying what a wuss you are, Craig.”

Craig shook his head.“Huh?”

“Yeah.” Kyle laughed. “And then Craig's family came on and said Tweek was the wuss, and then punched Tweek's mom in the hooters!”

“You son of a bitch!”

Craig snapped his head to the voice. Tweek reached down and ripped the IV out of his arm. Before he had time to register what was happening, his classmates started cheering and Tweek was on top of him. 

Craig dodged an incoming punch and leapt forward. “I'm gonna kick your ass!”

“Come on, Tweek!” Stan hollered, “You got him!”

Before the two could inflict any more damage to one another, a nurse rushed into the room and separated them. 

She swept the rowdy visitors out of their room and turned a sharp scowl to the boys. “You two better behave until your parents get here.” She warned. 

The two laid back in their beds in silence, breathing heavily through bruised lungs.

Tweek tilted his head over to Craig. “Hey, Craig?”

“What the hell do you want?” He snapped. 

Tweek pursed his lips. “You know how Kyle said they made all that stuff up just to get us to fight each other?”

“Yeah? So?”

“…Do you think the stuff about our parents being on the news was made up too?”

Silence blanketed the room again. Craig let out an exasperated sigh.

“I fucking hate those guys.” Craig muttered.

A quiet snicker slipped through Tweek’s lips. “Ow.” He said with a smile, “Laughing kind of hurts.”

Craig watched as Tweek’s chest relaxed but smile still remained. 

“I have to admit though.” Tweek said, “That was exciting.”

Craig’s eyebrow instinctively tipped up. He winced. “My eye is sown shut, Tweek.”

“Oh yeah,” he murmured, “sorry about that.”

Craig rolled his eye. His one good eye.

“You know, I got to kick a one armed guy in the balls until he started coughing up blood.”

“What?!” Craig’s gaze snapped back to him.

Tweek chuckled. “Yeah. Boxing is kinda fun.”

“I just got ass slammed by Cartman until I got knocked into a wall.”

Tweek’s quiet laugh grew until it bounced off the walls like the ocean waves. Craig could have drowned in that laugh without ever wanting to come up for air. 

“Ow! Fuck, don’t make me laugh so much, dude!” Tweek said as he tried to collect himself, his arms crossed around his stomach.

“I’m glad you don’t hate me though.” Tweek said staring directly into him, a dreamy look on his face. “I always thought you were cool.”

Craig couldn’t help but smile himself. He soaked in his voice, his words, the way his vibrant eyes met his and didn’t shy away. That roughed up boy next to him with a grin that lit up the room. It was like magic. 

“Your parents are here, boys!” The nurse shouted as she passed by their room.

They crawled out of their beds and hobbled towards the door.

“I’ll see you next week, Craig.” Tweek said sweetly. “Enjoy your suspension.”

Craig’s busted lip curved up into a smile. “You too.”

_That day. He truly saw Tweek for the first time._

~~~

Craig felt his phone vibrate in his pocket but quickly quieted it. His own thoughts were buzzing too loudly in his head to invite another voice into the madness in his mind.

Tweek spent much of his time when they were kids working at his parent’s coffee shop. Every time he stopped by to visit him he was always too busy ‘working in the back’. Craig’s stomach twisted. If only he had been a little older, a little smarter, maybe he could have helped him sooner. 

“South Park Eatery” the sign read. He peered through the frosted windows. The lights were off and chairs were thrown up on the tables. It was hardly recognizable as “Tweek Bros.”, but that was probably for the best. He walked around to the dark alley at the side of the building, crowded dumpsters and gutters filled with trash littered the narrow path. Craig rested his hand against the brick building. He could feel the cracks and pits in the wall from the years of snow and rain that took its toll on the aging building. 

~~~

Craig was shooed out of the building as fast as he had arrived. ‘Working in the back’ they said, as always. Craig kicked the compacted snow in front of the shop and tugged his chullo further down his head. Now what was he going to do for the rest of his day?

He let out a deep sigh and tried to think of any other way to entertain himself on a Saturday. He turned on his heels for Clyde’s house then heard a faint whimper from somewhere behind him.

A puppy? The sound grew louder as he crept near the alley of Tweek Bros. A lost alien?!

Craig’s heart began to pound as he gripped onto the side of the dumpster. He cautiously peered around its steel body. 

His hands fell to his side.

“Tweek?”

Tweek’s head shot up from between his knees. His teeth chattering. His eyes wide and searching. 

“C-Craig! Why are you here?! Are you working for them?”

Craig’s brows drew together. “Working for who?” He said softly. “How long have you been sitting in the snow, honey?”

“The underpants gnomes!” Tweek screeched. His hands flew from around his frail body and began tugging at his hair. “They were here! I saw them! You have to believe me!”

Craig knelt down in front of him and tilted his head. Tweek’s entire body was trembling. His face was ghost white, his nose and cheeks bitten red from the cold. He looked lost. Terrified.

“I don’t see anything.” Craig murmured. He carefully untangled Tweek’s hand from his hair and held it in his own. Tweek flinched back as Craig’s fingertips grazed across several raised bumps on his arm. Deep puncture wounds in the shape of teeth marks wrapped around the inside of his delicate wrist. Dried blood trailed down his palm to his slender fingers.

“Let’s go to my house.” Craig said quietly. “Your parents won’t notice you’re gone.”

Craig cast his gaze up to him. His eyes were still flickering, staring right through him, his blueish lips slightly parted.

Craig took off his chullo and adjusted it on Tweek’s head. Tweek blinked in quick succession then their gazes met. 

“The underpants gnomes don’t come to my house.” Craig pulled out his mittens from his jean pockets and slid them over Tweek’s hands. “You’ll be safe there.”

He stood up and unzipped his jacket, exposing a thin, white undershirt. He draped his jacket over Tweek’s shoulders and held his hands out to him. Tweek stumbled slightly standing up then slowly tipped his head up to him. Craig slid his hand down Tweek’s arm and gave his gloved hand a gentle squeeze. Tweek crept closer and rested his head on his shoulder. Craig’s eyes widened and he found himself wrapping his arms around him until the small tremors running through Tweek’s body ceased. Craig buried his head into Tweek’s neck and took a deep breath. The scent of coffee and freshly sharpened crayons overwhelmed him, the aroma went right to his brain. So intoxicating and rich. He held him closer, until he could feel him with his heart. 

_That day. He knew what it was like to get lost in someone’s scent._

~~~

He pushed off the side of the building and stared out at the quiet street. For how much the town had grown, the early mornings still felt like it was the same sleepy mountain town it was a decade ago.

As he wandered down the streets, his mind wandered to the night before. The way Tweek looked at him, with kindness in his eyes and gentleness of his touch. It had been so long since he’d been touched in kindness. But all those thoughts broke apart in his mind, only to be replaced by waves of regret that crashed against him. The constant ebb and flow; an internal struggle for who he is and what he really wants. But he learned long ago that the best thing isn’t always quick answers.

~~~

Craig raced up the stairs in Tweek’s empty home, replaying Heidi’s words in his head. 

_“People need help sorting out their emotions sometimes. And the best thing isn't always quick answers, but just being there, supporting each other and talking through those feelings.”_

Support him. Talk through his feelings. He took a deep breath out. He could do this. He could do this for Tweek. He could do anything for Tweek.

He burst in the door. Tweek was lying on the bed, balancing two fidget spinners in each hand. “Tweek, what's going on?!”

“What?!” Tweek yelped, letting his fidget spinners fall. “What do you mean, what's going on?! The same shit that's been going on!”

“Nothing's gotten any better? Oh my God, how does that make you feel?”

“I feel scared!” Tweek cried, “I feel alone!”

“Well that must be horrible to feel that way. It must be hard for you to even think!”

“It is!” Tweek stumbled off the bed and stepped closer to him. “It's terrible!”

“I bet it's terrible! What else are you feeling?”

“Like, like I have no control over my life. Like I'm just a pawn in a big game.”

“Oh, that's a terrifying thought. You must feel trapped.”

“Yeah, like trapped, but like, completely unable to even move.”

“Jesus, it's like there's no solution to any of this! What are you gonna do? What can you do?!”

“I don't know, it's... it's like... maybe, maybe I have to find a way to feel a little in charge of me again.”

“That sounds so insurmountable though. How would you even start?”

“I don't know, but I-I've gotta do something about this. There's gotta be a way I can...” Tweek paused. A smile blossomed on his lips as he turned to face him. “Thank you, Craig.” 

“I've got it.” Tweek said, clasping his hands together. “People aren't focused on the right thing. I know what I should do.”

“Wait!” Craig shouted. 

Tweek brought his hands down and quirked an eyebrow at him.

Craig smiled softly. “There’s something I want to do with you first.”

Craig reached out for his hand and led him down the flight of stairs and out the front door.

“Where are we going?” Tweek asked, struggling to keep up with Craig’s long strides.

Craig glanced back with a wide grin spread across his face. “You’ll see.”

Together they raced across the damp sidewalk to the quaint pond on the West side of town.

Tweek’s hands fell to his knees. “What are we doing here?” He panted.

Craig fished into his backpack and pulled out his Swiss Army knife his uncle got him for his 9th birthday. He flicked out the blade and drew his wide gaze to the cotton wood tree in front of them. Without a word, Craig began to chisel away at the bark.

Tweek plopped down on a nearby rock and rested his chin in his hand, watching his boyfriend chip away at a tree with a dull knife. 

Craig tucked the knife back away in his backpack and wiped his hands off on his pants, feeling a slight sting from where the knife had nicked him.

“Done!” Craig said proudly.

Tweek batted his eyes open and stood next to him. Engraved in the tree were their initials protected by a heart. Tweek held his hand up to his mouth and smiled into his sleeve.

“So long as this tree is standing.” Craig said. ”I’ll stay by your side.”

Scared by the silence, Craig glanced over to him. Tweek’s freckled cheeks were brushed pink. His emerald eyes glittered with tears. 

Tweek wrapped his arm around his and leaned on his shoulder. 

Craig smiled softly, the cold breeze tousled Tweek’s wispy hair and tickled his face. He had never felt so warm.

“So what was that thing you wanted to do, babe?” Craig asked.

Tweek perked up. “Oh, yeah! I was going to write a song for the memorial service tomorrow!” He shook Craig’s arm. “Do you think you could help me?”

“Of course!” Craig said, taking Tweek’s hand in his. “Under one condition though.”

Tweek cocked his head.

“Can you teach me to play the piano?”

_That day. He touched Tweek’s heart for the first time._

~~~

In a way, both of them filled the hole left by their parents who had better things to do than worry about their kids. Tweek was there for him when he needed him most, sometimes even when he didn’t know he needed him at all.

~~~

Craig had lost track of time. Lost track of how long he had been sleeping, how long he had been awake. His phlegm filled lungs were desperate for oxygen. Every breath felt like his last. The violent shaking that wracked his fevered body kept him from the sleep he craved. He gripped onto a handful of sheets covering him and prayed to whatever god would listen to ease the agonizing pain in his chest. 

His parents had left for work, there weren’t any family members close to watch him. His parents figured he would be fine now that he was on antibiotics. His fever had broken last night, they didn’t think it would come back. Not like this anyways.

Through the corner of his eye he saw the door to his bedroom crack open.

“Mom?” He rasped.

There was no strength left in his voice. The sudden use of his vocal cords led him into a violent coughing fit. He curled over on himself and held his clenched fist to his chest, hoping the pressure could ease the pain.

“So cold.” He whispered to himself. He wrapped the thin blanket tighter around him, it was damp and sticky, leaving him more chilled than before.

He opened his eyes again but everything was a teary blur, he shut them again to avoid crying. He was too old to be crying. 

A cool, damp pressure rested against his forehead. Despite how cold he was, he breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“Mom?” He whispered.

A gentle voice answered in return. He was too fevered to recognize it. But in that moment, he could have sworn it was an angel.

His fingers curled around something. Something soft, something familiar. A wave of comfort flooded his arms and numbed his body. He took a breath and felt his lungs fill with clean air. His mind relaxed, the sweet release of sleep was near.

_“…let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”_

The voice was as soft and murmurous as wings. Gentle and encircling. He knew what love felt like. But now he knew what love sounded like.

_“…little light of mine… gonna let it shine…”_

Just as sleep overtook him, he felt something smooth brush over his hand. Deep in the recesses of his mind he knew this distinct touch. The sleek plastic feel. The small bumps over soft padding. 

His cracked lip tipped up into a fragile smile. “Honey?”

Tweek’s bandaid covered fingers wrapped around his. An infectious giggle fell upon Craig’s ears as soft as snow.

_“Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine…”_

_That day. He realized a voice is capable of healing._

~~~

Rays of sunlight began to filter between tree branches, reflecting colorful prisms off of dew covered leaves. The sidewalk warmed and the sky was filling with hues of orange and pink as he approached his final destination.

A ‘for sale’ sign swayed in the soft breeze. Overgrown bushes lined the house and windows were boarded up from the inside. He heard from his parents that the house sold shortly after they moved, but the new tenets didn’t stay long. Judging from the cracks in the driveway, it appeared no one stayed for very long. Maybe the house was cursed. Or maybe when a physical place held witness to such tragedy, the pain bled through the confines of time. 

His phone buzzed again. He drew it out of his pocket to see Tweek’s name lit up on the screen. His heart fluttered, a remnant of the true happiness they’d shared in private. His finger hovered over the answer button. But instead, he waited until the screen faded to black. Then switched the power off. 

He told himself he was only going to South Park because of Scott’s funeral. But by the time he was on the plane, he realized why he was really going back home. He tried to forget. Leave the past behind. But when he spotted Tweek’s bespectacled face staring back at him in the crowd of people, the thoughts were stolen from his mind, every atom in his body craved to be closer. His heart pounded in his chest with every step. Tweek’s hair was shorter, calmer in a way. He was no longer the jittery boy with wrinkled, disheveled clothes. But the carefree smile he wore when they were kids was lost behind an expression of shock and sorrow. When he approached their table, and their gazes intertwined like they used to, memories of the last night they spent together as kids hammered at the door in his heart he fought desperately to keep closed.

~~~

Craig stood with his back to the door. Staring at Tweek through sapphire eyes. His gaze traveled over every detail of his boyish face. Every freckle. Every perfect imperfection. He stared at Tweek like the stars had fallen from the sky and drenched him in their heavenly light. 

Tweek’s gaze darted to the ground. “I-I’ll see at school tomorrow.”

As Tweek stepped back, Craig grabbed his arm, overwhelmed by a deep instinctual desire to be closer.

“Tweek-” He choked out.

Tweek looked at his hand around his arm then flicked his eyes up to him.

Craig’s hand reached out and caressed his cheek. Tweek’s eyes widened. 

Craig closed his eyes and leaned into him. Reality faded as their lips met. Craig pulled back and opened his eyes.

Tweek’s cheeks flushed. His green eyes sparkled like a sunlit forest glade.

“I-Uh-” Craig stammered.

Tweek threw his arms around his neck and pressed their lips back together. They smiled so wide their teeth clanked against each other. They became drunk on the lighthearted giggles that slipped through their mouths with every breath. 

_That day. He tasted Tweek for the first time._

“Craig!” A voice boomed from inside his house.

The two boys pulled apart, returning their moonstruck stares to each other. 

“Wow.” Tweek whispered, brushing his fingers across his lips.

“Yeah.” Craig chuckled, “Wow.”

Craig reached out for his hand and laced their fingers together. “So, um, I’ll see you tomorrow?” He said with a crooked grin.

“Y-yeah!” Tweek beamed. “I’ll meet you here so we can walk to school together.”

Craig squeezed his hand. “Okay.”

“Craig! Get in here!”

Tweek’s brows pulled in. “Your dad sounds pissed.”

“He’s always like that. But I should go see what he wants.” Craig leaned forward and kissed him softly on the cheek. “Good night, honey.”

The corners of Tweek’s mouth pulled up into a radiant smile. The kind of smile that could stop a heart from beating then gift it life again. Craig wished he could stop time. To memorize every detail of that moment. Capture every beautiful emotion with his heart. Replay the memory of that smile for the rest of his life. 

“Good night, Craig.” He whispered.

Their interlaced fingers slipped from one another. Tweek gripped onto the straps of his backpack and walked off into the night. Craig slipped inside his house and pressed his back up against the door. He placed his hand over his heart, feeling it pound wildly in his chest.

“What the hell was that?”

Craig flashed his eyes up to his dad. His arms crossed over his chest. His cheeks burnt red, his eyes locked on him.

“What?”

“I tried to ignore the hand holding, but this is too far! Kissing?!” He spat, “That kid is messing with your head!”

Craig’s body froze. His mouth went dry. He felt a chill run up his spine, the coldness brought the synapses of his brain to a stand still.

“You’re not gay! Being gay is a choice!”

“I’m not-” 

“Go pack your things!”

“What?!”

“Thomas, please-”

“Stay out of this, Laura! I’m doing what’s best for the family! Pack your clothes. I’ll send movers to get the rest.”

Tears settled in the back of Craig’s throat, stealing his voice. He stared up at his father in horror, wracking his brain for the words to say that could undo the tragedy unfolding in front of him.

“Now, Craig!”

His legs began to move of their own volition. The heated argument between his parents became slow and warbled, as if he was sinking into black, unforgiving waters. He gazed around his room but nothing looked familiar. Everything was a strange sea of shapes and colors. He tore the clothes off their hangers and let them fall into a pile in his suitcase. He zipped it closed then collapsed on the floor. His ears rang, a piercing screech that drowned out all other thoughts. He held his hands up to his ears and pressed his forehead to the floor, willing for this all to be a nightmare. 

When he opened his eyes again, the ringing had stopped. His suitcase was still in front of him. His dad barked orders from downstairs, polluting the house with rage. Stripe #4 squealed and ran rapidly in his cage. Craig steadied himself then grabbed onto Stripe’s cage with one hand and his suitcase with the other. 

His tearful mother and sister stood in the middle of the living room as his father carried their luggage into the garage. He hugged Stripe’s cage to his chest, hoping the closeness could ease the nausea swirling unrestrained in his empty stomach.

“Oh no.” His father said, “That thing stays here.”

“What?! N-no!” Craig held the cage tighter to himself.

“I’ll call the Donovan’s tomorrow to pick it up.”

“Tweek got him for me! He can take care of him!” 

His father ripped the cage from his hand and shook a pointed finger at him. “You’re not to have any contact with that boy. Do you hear me?!”

“Dad! Please don’t-”

“Do you hear me?!”

“Please don’t do this!”

His cry cast pain into the air, the sound of a terrified soul being consumed by true loss. His family stood frozen at the crossroads.

“Craig. Get in the car. Now.”

His lungs heaved. He struggled to keep his shoulders upright. He shot a pleading look towards his mother, but found her gaze averted to the floor. There was no point in arguing. The decision was made. 

He couldn’t face his father alone. 

He climbed into the SUV, flush against his sister’s duffle bag. The seat belt clicked. He rested his head on the thin strap and pressed his body into the torn leather seat. He didn’t hear the doors opening when his family came into the garage. He didn’t feel the car rock when they slammed their doors shut. 

But as the car began moving, he noticed a wetness on his cheek, falling fast and thick, sinking into his sweater. Each drop that rolled off his chin scalded him.

As the South Park sign flew past, the light in his eyes faded into an unforgiving darkness, no longer flickering with the spirit of life. A gaping hole had found a permanent home in his heart.

_That day, was the last time Craig would see him. For 14 years._


	15. Chapter 15

Tweek’s boots sank into Autumn’s sodden leaves that clung to the desolate sidewalk. Overhead, dark clouds blotted out the sun, engulfing the town in a foreboding shadow.

Tweek gripped onto the iron gate leading to Dark Meadows Estates. The wind howled through the rusted bars, gusting under his clothes and tousling his unkempt hair. He tugged open the gate and walked across the winding path to Token’s house.

A drop of water from the tip of the roof landed on his cheek when he lifted his head to the sky. The mansion’s double doors loomed in front of him, his hand hovered over the door knocker. He knew nothing good would come from the other side of the threshold.

He knocked three times then took an unsteady step back. A haunting dirge poured out into the yard when the door opened, a heartbreaking melody carrying an unmistakable sorrow, as if composed from the heaviness in his heart.

“Oh, hey man!” Token said, a wide grin spreading across his face. 

Tweek ran his hand up the sleeve of his sweater, trying to warm himself against the goosebumps that rose on his skin with each note from the piano. “Sorry for dropping by like this,” he murmured, “but, is Craig still here?”

Token’s brows momentarily pulled together. “Um, yeah,” he paused, his eyes softening as he studied Tweek’s face, “give me a second.”

The door remained cracked open as Token disappeared around the corner. Tweek’s heart hammered in his chest, pounding against his rib cage and stealing his breath. 

When the piano stopped playing, something twisted in Tweek’s body.

“Tweek?”

The color from Craig’s face drained when their gazes locked. His lips slightly parted, the same full lips capable of paralyzing thoughts. His hand slid down the door, his fingertips grazing against the wooden frame. The same fingertips that had traced over the delicate curves of his spine.

Tweek shook his head. Then steeled his heart.

“So I guess you didn’t move back to New York in the middle of the night like last time.” 

Craig rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at the side yard. “Let’s go somewhere more private.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Tweek said, eyes blank, swirling with rage, like the sky before a snowstorm. 

“Okay,” he sighed, “I deserve that.”

The dense air dipped into subfreezing temperatures, they descended into a harsh, biting chill as if the last lick of a flame was snuffed out. Tweek’s inner peace was shattered. Where there used to be nothing but warmth in his heart for the memories they shared, had now resolved into ashes. 

And Tweek was done romancing cinders while suffocating on smoke. 

“Were you ever going to tell me you were still here?” His voice came low and harsh.

“I was…”

“Then why haven’t you?!”

Craig pursed his lips, drawing his gaze to the ground.

“I’m sor-”

“Don’t tell me you’re fucking sorry! You’re not sorry! You’re selfish! You think you can pull that shit on me?! I’m not some sort of concept! You can’t just fuck me to figure yourself out!”

“That’s not what happened!” 

“Are you sure that’s not what happened?!” Tweek shouted, angry tears sparkling in his eyes, ”So you didn’t have sex with me then just leave in the morning without so much as a ‘thanks for the fuck, by the way I’m not gay’?!” 

“Tweek!”

Tweek knotted his fingers into his hair, wrenching his arms down. “I thought I mattered to you! I thought you cared! I thought you of all people would understand how terrified I would be waking up to see you’d disappeared again!”

“Stop, Tweek! I’m sorry! I-”

“Stop saying you’re sorry when we both know you’re not!” Tweek cried, bringing his hands down to cover his eyes. “If you were sorry you would said something sooner! I wouldn’t have to track you down to your friend’s house! I wouldn’t be going out of my mind, not knowing if I had already seen you for the last time!”

“I swear, Tweek, I never meant to hurt you...”

“Just because you didn’t mean to doesn’t make it hurt any less!”

“None of this was supposed to happen!”

“Oh really?!” Tweek shouted, a hint of hysterics in his voice, “So in your perfect world, how exactly was this adulterous vacation of your supposed to go?!”

“I don’t know!” Craig’s voice broke, “Fuck! I don’t know! Just not like this! I don’t want us to end this way!”

“Us?!” Tweek’s nails dug into the palm of his hand. “Us?! After everything that’s happened, do you even love me? Do you even have feelings for me at all?!”

Tweek stared into him. Craig's deep blue eyes swirled with emotions he didn't dare interpret. Frigid silence burdened the air. Anger smoldered in Tweek’s chest like a tempestuous fire. 

“Say something!”

Craig’s shoulders slumped. He cast his eyes down in a mournful gaze. “Tweek… I just- I don’t know.” 

Tweek bit his lip until the sting of blood forced his voice again, “I waited for you, for fourteen years. When I found you again, I let you in, I let my walls down, I let you see every broken piece of me.” He flicked his eyes up, angry tears rolling down his cheek, “But I regret that now. I regret _everything_ about us.”

“Tweek-”

Craig stepped towards him, tentatively reaching out his hand as it trembled. 

Tweek staggered backwards. “Don’t touch me!” He snapped, “Don’t you dare fucking touch me!” 

Craig froze; his arm left suspended in the air. 

Tweek let out a slow controlled breath, realizing he had been shouting at him all this time. “Go back into the arms of your fiancee,” he murmured. “Go get married and live happily ever after in your fancy, London townhouse. I wish you the best. I really do.” He breathed out a laugh and smiled, “You two deserve each other.” 

Craig’s face twisted with pain, something solemn swimming in his eyes. Tweek couldn’t bear to see it. He raced down the street, leaving Craig frozen like a child lost in a nightmare.

Tweek stumbled forward in a broken gait, as if thrown into a senseless world that was determined to see him fall. Each puddle in his path drenched the hem of his pants with icy water. The faster he ran, the faster his thoughts crashed into one another, each snapping on the heels of the next. He did this to himself, he knew opening his heart would expose the wound that refused to heal. The anger was nothing but a shield for pain, like a wounded animal lashing out at anyone who got close, scared for their life, lonely and desperate. 

His legs carried him all the way to SodoSopa, to the only place he could call a home. He pounded once then let his hand slide down the door.

His whole body shook. The more he tried to regain control, the more violently it convulsed. It was as if his body and mind were struggling for dominance while he suffered under the uncertainty.

Kenny pulled open the door. His eyes widened. 

Tweek hung his head, still shaking from the cold and shock, not caring that the water had seeped into his bones. 

He stared up at him through his water flecked glasses. “P-please don’t s-say ‘I told you-’”

Tweek’s body lunged forward. Warm arms wrapped around his shoulders, their bodies pressed close together. Tweek squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his chest hitch and nose tingle. 

“I’m so sorry, Tweek.”

He buried his head deeper into Kenny’s shoulder, giving way to the enormity of his sorrow.

Tweek always thought the light he carried through the years was destined to flicker off once the fuel ran out. The fumes from their past love would be carried off into the wind, a soft ending from the tenderness they shared. Instead, he ignited a firestorm that marred them both. 

If only he had known gasoline ran in his veins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update. I've hated ~everything~ I've written lately.


	16. Chapter 16

All he could do was watch. Watch as the last fragment of happiness he treasured slip through his fingers. Craig’s legs refused move. His heart lulled anguish through his body. His throat tight, breaths short.

He blinked several times, hoping the next flash of light would have him waking up in bed. But he was stuck in this unforgiving reality, a reality he orchestrated with his own two hands. A reality where he was truly alone, with no one else to blame but himself.

He wondered if the ache in his chest was the same hurt Tweek was feeling at that moment. Crushing and all encompassing. Like the world had crashed around him and the air was too thick to breathe.

Tweek had pulled away from him like he was a monster bend on destruction. Perhaps he was. After all, he had done nothing but destroy since his return. 

He couldn’t shake the image of Tweek’s distraught expression out of his mind. The way his lashes glistened with tears, the way his lips trembled as he cursed his existence. How his eyes revealed every naked emotion. The raw quality of his voice when he cried, like the pain was still an open wound. Tweek had bared his soul to him, and all he could do was watch, horrified that he was the one who had inflicted so much pain. 

The light sprinkle of rain had morphed into a downpour. Water weighed down on his shoulders and dripped from the tips of his hair. The cold winds of despair tore through his body. His mouth was dry, tinged with a bitter aftertaste of regret.

He drifted back into the mansion, clicking the door shut behind him. The soles of his shoes skidded against the hardwood floor as he slid his back down the door. He pulled his knees to his chest, burying his head into his hands. 

“You slept with Tweek,” Token said from somewhere in the distance.

It wasn’t a question. Token was confirming his guilt.

“Yes,” Craig murmured.

“Why?”

Craig pressed the heels of his hands into his swollen eyes until black spots appeared behind his lids. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“… He deserves better than that.”

Craig’s chest hitched. “… I know.” 

Craig welcomed the heavy silence that followed. Nothing Token could say would make the pain in his chest any more unbearable. Craig had taken the only precious thing in his life and rendered it to ashes. He stole the world’s brightest smile and replaced it with sorrow. Seeing Tweek’s face twisted with so much hurt was punishment enough; knowing he was the one who caused it was enough to kill. 

“You’re lucky Sophia isn’t here,” Token said quietly.

Craig leaned his head back and drew his vacant stare to the ceiling. Her name hadn’t even crossed his mind in the days that followed his night with Tweek. She was merely a distraction that kept the truth from himself, of how much this had to do with the pain of losing the one he held most dear, and the scar that just wouldn’t heal.

Craig used what little strength he had left and pulled himself up off of the floor. He didn’t risk a glance at Token, his entire life he had been nothing but a disappointment to the ones he loved. Brows pulled in, foreheads creased, the not so subtle shake of the head, he knew this expression too well. He couldn’t stand to see that same face etched on one of his only friends too. 

Craig knees wobbled on his way upstairs, hand trembling as it grazed against the rails, head swimming with half-formed regrets. He wandered into his room and collapsed on the bed. 

Protected by the darkness, he could feel tears like fire fall freely down his cheek. He hated being weak, powerless. He had told Tweek that he had changed, that he wasn’t the same person he was when they were kids. But he didn’t believe those words as they slipped off his tongue that snowy day. He was still the bright eyed boy with the blue chullo, the vulnerable child shaking from fever, but having his existence denied by his parents built a wall between who he is and who they wanted him to be. The only time he felt like himself was when he was next to Tweek. When he got lost in that emerald gaze, when his heart skipped a beat when they’d touched. He had only just tasted true happiness, and that was when his lips were pressed against his.

He didn’t know when he had drifted off to sleep, but the moon was glowing in the window by the time the light in the room flickered on.

“There you are Craig!”

Sophia’s voice sounded like grating metal as it reached his ears. 

“I’ve been trying to call you.” Her heels tapped against the wooden floors. “I got tickets for our departure tomorrow, love.”

Craig kept his sight trained on the lucent moon.

“I’m so glad you moved away from here when you did,” her voice echoed from the bathroom. “I simply cannot stand another day with these people-”

“Sophia-” Craig murmured.

“-they have no class at all-”

“Sophia-”

“-a bunch of country hicks-”

“Sophia-”

“What, Craig?” Her pacing stopped. “What do you want?”

He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, folding his hands together. When he flashed his eyes up to her, the pearlescent moonlight illuminated his face and shimmered in his eyes.

He took a deep breath out. 

His lip curved into a half smile. 

“I’m breaking up with you.”


	17. Chapter 17

Crickets chirped in the distance and the air sang with heat. The aromatic grass cradling his body was an intoxicating perfume. A sense of eternity enveloped Tweek’s mind as he stared into the ascending abyss. Stars shot across the sky like dancers sashaying through a melody. The moon glowed dimly, a cream disc suspended in the velvet sky that cascaded an ethereal light upon the land. But one star was brighter, more sublime than the rest, and that star was the one holding his hand.

Craig’s eyes swam with curiosity staring into the cosmos. “See those stars there, honey?”

Tweek hummed a reply. Craig was about to point to the sky and name a constellation, he’s lived this gift of a dream for fourteen years. He doesn’t know if the boy in his dreams was even pointing to the right star cluster. But that never mattered, he cherished this time for the seraphic smile that blossomed on his lips as he explained the infinite. 

“That’s the big dipper,” Craig said, pointing into the sky. “It’s part of the Ursa Major constellation along with those stars there and there.”

Tweek’s eyes softened as he studied him. He couldn’t remember what Butters or Kenny looked like when they were kids, but there was some part of Tweek’s subconscious that was determined to keep Craig trapped in an amber of time. Every detail of the boy was exactly the way it was the day he left: perfect button nose, full cheeks, softly curved lips. Backlit by the silver moon, Craig’s fair skin glowed like the morning star. When they laid together, the world ceased to exist.

“It’s beautiful,” Tweek murmured.

Craig rolled his head to the side and met his gaze. “You’re not even looking,” he said, his voice lilting up to the heavens. 

“You’ve shown me before,” Tweek smiled. “I’d still much rather look at you.”

A brush of rose pink flitted across Craig’s cheeks. He breathed out a chuckle and flashed him a crooked grin. “Want to watch for shooting stars then?”

Tweek’s smile faltered. “I’m afraid if I take my eyes off of you, you won’t be here when I look back.”

Craig sat up on his elbows, his chullo slipped off his head and landed silently on the grass. His mussed hair fluttered in the warm breeze. “I’ll always be with you, honey.”

“You say that every night, and yet every morning I wake up alone.”

Craig’s face fell slightly, nothing short of remorse in his gaze. He gripped their interlaced hands tighter together and brought Tweek’s bandaged fingers to his lips. 

Tweek’s chest ached staring back at him. There was a heavy, sinking feeling where his broken heart beat. “I’d give anything to stay here with you,” he said softly, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. 

He closed his eyes and felt their lips brush against each other. Craig’s hand slid up his neck and caressed his cheek. He kissed him with lips so gentle it almost felt like love. 

Tweek’s eyes fluttered open realizing the sensation was gone. When his bleary eyes focused, time had aged his boyish features. Craig’s toned, heavenly body hovered over him, stealing the thoughts from his mind. His face was grayed, angular jaw tensed. The curious expression was replaced by a stare of someone who has lived through nothing but sadness. 

His full lips parted, Tweek could feel his shaking breaths as it ghosted across his skin.

“Tweek-”

“Tweek?” Butters’ muffled voice seeped through the gaps around the door. The bell chimed in unison with the insistent knocks that followed the call of his name.

Tweek lifted his head from the desk and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He wiped away the wetness on his cheek, hoping one day he’d be able to stay in the comfort of his dreams. 

He crossed to the door, sliding the chain from the lock and pulling it open. Butters tilted his head and greeted him with a warm smile. 

“Did I wake ya?”

Tweek managed a smile. “Is it that obvious?”

“Ya got a little something here,” Butters said, motioning to his cheek.

Tweek glanced at the mirror. Blue ink stains blotted his cheek and his glasses were slightly askew as they rested on the tip of his nose.

“Shit,” Tweek moaned. “You can come in, Butters.” 

Butters took hesitant steps into the apartment then lowered himself down on the futon. Tweek continued to scrub at his cheek, letting out a huff when he had only managed to smear the blue ink into a larger stain.

“How’ve ya been?” 

Tweek adjusted his glasses and tore his eyes from the mirror to Butters’ concerned expression.

“I’m fine,” he lied. 

Butters twisted his lips and averted his eyes down to his lap. Tweek was adept at hiding the pain but lately he had been unable to mask the hurt. After too many years of putting everything in a bottle, sorrow had began to leak through the cracks in his facade. He figured he owed Butters a bit of honesty after showing up at his house at his lowest moment. 

Tweek sighed. “I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Butter smiled weakly. “It’ll get-”

“Please don’t say ‘it will get better’. I’m sorry but just don’t.” Tweek fell back in his chair and rested his head in his hand. “Every time someone tells me that, things only get worse. I don’t know how much more I can handle.”

“I take it ya haven’t heard?”

Tweek furrowed his brow. “Heard what?”

“Craig and Sophia broke up.”

“… I’m glad.” Tweek was surprised as the words left his mouth. He wasn’t supposed to care what happened to Craig, he had spent the last two days trying to convince himself that Craig deserved to be hated. But there was an undeniable weight that lifted from his shoulders knowing Craig was able to rid himself of the woman who had only brought him misery. 

“Are ya gonna talk to him before he leaves?”

“I don’t know why I would. He slept with me then completely ignored me, I don’t owe him anything.”

“I don’t think he was ignorin’ ya on purpose, Tweek,” Butters said quietly, clasping his hands together in his lap. “A week ago he was engaged and thought he was straight. It’s a lot for someone to go through alone, he probably needed time to work out his feelings.” 

“Even if that’s true, I said some things to him I shouldn’t have… Things I didn’t even mean.” Tweek drew his gaze to the floor. “I think our relationship is over, whatever that relationship was.”

“How do ya even know that when ya have him blocked on your phone?”

“I only did that because- hold on.” Tweek flicked his eyes up to him. “How do you know I have him blocked?”

Butters’ face flushed into a deep crimson. “Oh, well. Ya know. I just thought that-” 

“Whatever, Butters,” Tweek said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It doesn’t matter. Kenny was right from the start, Craig was never going to stay. There’s no point in complicating things further. It’s time for me to end this chapter of my life, okay?”

Butters dipped his head and nodded.“If ya say so.”

Tweek tried to reason with the guilt he felt from pushing people away, claiming it was best for everyone. But there was still an ache that would come and go, always returning in quiet moments, moments when his thoughts drifted back to Craig. His heart could no longer stomach the torture.

“Hey, Butters? Are you still working on Cow Days?”

“Yeah.” Butters sat up in his seat. “Why?”

“I’m going to Seattle the morning after. I was hoping the three of us can spend some time together before I leave.”

“But that’s in 2 days.” 

Tweek pursed his lips. “I know.”

“How long are ya goin’ to be gone for?”

“Well the thing is, my lease is up at the end of the month.” His voice softened to a whisper. “I’m not going to renew it.”

Butters froze, Tweek could almost see the cogs rotating in his head as the corners of his mouth turned down into a pout. 

“You’re movin’,” he said solemnly.

“I’m sorry, Butters. But even the good memories I have are painful now. Everything either reminds me of my parents or… him. I-I don’t think I could ever be happy if I stayed.” 

Butters stood up with his arms outreached. He walked to Tweek and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding him firmly against his chest. “Do what makes ya happy.”

Tweek relaxed his head against Butters’ body, gently stroking his arm. “I’m trying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos <3  
> You all make my day ^_^


	18. Chapter 18

Craig’s eyes stung as struggled to open his heady lids. He sat up and wrapped his arm around his stomach. The hunger pangs made his head spin and body curl over itself. Despite being starved, the mere thought of food invited a wave of nausea. He rolled out of bed and took careful, measured steps down the mansion stairs, stretching out his legs that ached from sleeping too long in the same position. 

The conversation buzzing from the living room sounded like static in his head. All consuming devastation clouded his thoughts, nothing made sense anymore, not the sky or the trees.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, the setting sun made the sitting room glow deep orange. As the sun’s rays touched his ivory skin, the sensation was more painful than comforting.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Token said.

Craig groaned and fished into his pocket for his phone. “What time is it?” 

“5pm,” a melodious voice replied. 

Craig’s eyes flashed to the voice. Bebe was curled next to Clyde as they sat together on the couch, she offered him a polite wave and a sympathetic smile.

“It’s nice to see you, Craig,” she said through glossy lips.

It took a few seconds for his sleep-fogged brain to process her appearance.

“Oh, yeah,” Craig mumbled, “you too.”

Craig fell back into the recliner and clicked on his phone. No missed calls. No voicemails. No texts. Perhaps Tweek didn’t even listened to the voicemail he left 3 days ago. He wondered if voicemails even went through for blocked numbers. 

“Sleep well?” Clyde asked.

Craig shifted uncomfortably in the unwashed clothes from the day before. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.”

He clicked on his phone again, hoping by some miracle Tweek had messaged him within the past 10 seconds.

Token folded his arms. “That’s what happens when you stay up for 24 hours then sleep in all day.”

Craig drew his bloodshot gaze to Token, exhaustion on every feature. 

“My dad said you were still awake when he went to work this morning.”

“Something came up last night.” Craig sighed and rubbed his temples. “I ended up deleting all my social media accounts.”

Bebe cocked her head. “What happened?”

Craig glanced at Bebe as she twirled her hair around her finger. They weren’t exactly close. All he knew of the blonde stemmed from Clyde’s either gushing or lamenting on the phone with him depending on whether or not they were broken up at the time. But all his dirty laundry was already strung out for the world to see. What did it matter what one other person thought? After all, the only one who truly mattered wouldn’t even pick up their phone.

“Sophia made a huge post online saying that I was abusing her.”

“You’re kidding.” 

Craig shook his head. “She said I lied and manipulated her. That I would get physical if she ever wanted to hang out with her friends.”

“Jesus, dude,” Clyde said. “she can’t go around saying that!”

“Well she did. And of course all our friends took her side. I tried to talk with them but they just sent death threats as a reply.” He stole another glance at his phone. “Now that I think about it, they were never my friends to begin with.” 

“She couldn’t control you, so now she’s controlling how other people view you.”

The silence that followed Bebe’s softly spoken words was deafening.

“Sorry was that out of line?” Bebe said as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I only met her a few times, but what Clyde was telling me it’s clear she was toxic from the start.”

“In the back of my mind, I knew that,” Craig murmured. “The warning signs were always there. But up until now, I’ve just been sleepwalking through life. I got used to her being around; I put up with every meltdown, every tantrum, every lie. I didn’t realize I had been living as a dead man until someone showed me what it felt like to be alive.” 

“Craig-” 

“Regardless,” Craig started, “I have to move everything out of our apartment by Saturday or it will end up on the side of the street, if it’s not there already.” 

“You can stay here until you figure out where to go.”

“I’m going to stay with Tricia for a while. She’s living in Vermont and said she’s been looking for a roommate anyways.”

“I can help you move out,” Clyde said. “It sounds like it might not be a good idea to go back by yourself.”

“Really?”

Clyde smiled softly. “That’s what friends are for. I promised Babes we’d go to Cow Day’s tomorrow but I’m free the day after.”

“Thanks dude,” Craig sighed in relief. “I owe you one.”

“Put it on my tab.”

Craig breathed out a chuckle. He had spent so long trying to please his friends in New York he forgot about the real ones he left in the little mountain town he grew up in.

“Should we head out soon?” Bebe asked, gazing up at Clyde.

“I’m ready when you are.”

“Let me freshen up my makeup first.” She leaned down and gave him a chaste peck on the forehead. “I’ll be right back.” 

Clyde had a dreamy look on his face as he watched her walk away. Craig knew that look, it was the same one he wore every time he caught a glance at Tweek’s face. 

“Sorry I gave you so much shit about Bebe since I’ve been back. I know I can be an ass sometimes.” 

“Don’t worry about it, dude. I know how our relationship looks on the outside. I don’t expect everyone to understand.”

“You guys make a cute couple,” Token said.

“It’s more than that,” Clyde said gently, his lips pulling up into a smile. “So much more. I love her with my whole heart. Even when we’re apart, even when our roles are ill-defined, I’ll always be there for her. And she’ll always be there for me. We’ve loved each other for too long to throw it all away. We don’t always get along, but I wouldn’t change a single thing about her. She makes me a better person.” 

“When’s the wedding?” Token asked with a smug grin.

Clyde was silent for a moment, staring at the closed bathroom door. “Next summer.”

“Wait, seriously?!” Craig said, suddenly awake.

“Of course,” Clyde glanced back at them with a smirk, “she just doesn’t know about it yet.”

“Did I miss something?” Bebe said, walking back into the room.

“No, Babes. Let’s head out.”

Clyde stood up and wrapped his arm around her waist. As they stared into each other, there was nothing short of pure adoration in their eyes. Sophia never looked at him like that. 

“Have fun you two!” Token shouted from the couch as the door shutting gently behind them.

Craig pulled out his phone to by plane tickets for him and Clyde. Denver to New York, and New York to Basin Harbor. Craig stared at the word: Vermont. Another town, a chance to start again. Shouldn’t that be what he wanted? New friends, new opportunities? But his heart stung thinking about what he would be leaving behind in South Park. He knew no one would be able to excite him the same way Tweek did. No one would be able to make his heart stop and whisk the the air out of the room quite like he could. Tweek’s smile was salvation, his laugh was a revelation. Being next to him was the closest he’s ever been to heaven. 

As he added the plane tickets into the cart he paused, Clyde’s words replayed in his head. Craig knew in that moment he had never stopped loving Tweek. As hard as he tried to forget about the blond haired boy with the heart of angel; in quiet moments, in the times where the air from his lungs left a little slower than usual, his thoughts always drifted to him.

He needed to see him before it was too late, he needed to try. For he had loved him too long to let their story become ashes into the wind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update <3  
> I started writing a new fic that I'm absolutely head-over-heels in love with. But not to worry, I won't forget about this one ^-^  
> Thank you all so much for sticking with it!


	19. Chapter 19

Craig didn’t know how long he’d been standing in that same spot. But he had been staring at the ‘For Rent’ sign long enough to see the words imprinted behind his lids every time he blinked. He could almost smell Tweek’s vanilla scented candles drifting up from the gap under the door.

He had come back to South Park to tie up loose ends; to prove to himself there was nothing left as he moved on to greater things - only to realize he had left the greatest thing behind. Now the ends were frayed and his future in tatters.

It was obvious to him that he was part of the reason Tweek was moving. The guilt would come in waves; what he should have done differently, what he should or shouldn’t have done at all. With every spare moment, his mind would rehearse a new apology. Each apology more specific and more hopeless than the last.

Craig knew he would get nowhere if he continued to glare at the sign that seemed to be staring back, mocking him. If he was going to find Tweek, he would need to keep moving.

Craig was in a trance like state as he weaved in between the crowds flooding the streets. The town seemed to almost double in size with the Cow Day’s festival taking place just a few miles away. Children gripped tightly to balloons and gleeful smiles painted the faces of excited tourists. Craig had hoped the crowds would have died down by the late afternoon, but by the looks of it the festivities were only just beginning.

After holding the door open for a small crowd of people, he approached the counter of Harbucks with both hands shoved in his pockets.

“Excuse me?”

It took awhile for the barista to notice him, even longer for her to lift her head. She stilled her hands then turned to him with a customer service smile plastering her face.

“Can I help you?” She asked with forced enthusiasm.

“Uh,” Craig paused and shifted his weight. “Has Tweek been by today?”

“Tweek?” The girl parroted with a tilt of her head.

“Blond hair, glasses, about my age?”

An espresso machine hissed in the background as the girl furrowed her brow. “We get a lot people-”

“-he’s probably a foot shorter than me.”

A young man shot up from behind the counter with syrup bottles in both hands. “Are you guys talking about Tweek Tweak?”

Craig’s face lit up. “Yes!”

He placed the bottles on the counter then smoothed out the wrinkles in his apron. “Tweek came by this morning but didn’t stay long.”

Craig tried not to appear as crestfallen as he felt, but at least now there was hope Tweek was still in town. And that hope was worth clinging to.

Craig managed a polite smile and a nod. “Thanks.”

He stepped out of the shop and breathed out an ice filled sigh into the wind. With the evening fast approaching, and no sign of Tweek, Craig decided to make one last desperate attempt to find him. The gradual setting sun warmed the back of his neck as he approached the quaint townhouse.

He knocked three times, holding his breath as the door cracked open.

“Is Tweek here?”

Kenny’s eyes went wide. “Craig?” He sputtered, taking a step back. “The fuck are you doing here? How do you know where I live?!”

Craig blinked several times. “Butters had me over a few days ago.”

Kenny’s gaze slanted to the side and his forehead creased. “God dammit, Leo,” he mumbled.

“So is he here?”

Kenny scowled and straightened his spine. “Even if he was, do you really think I would tell you? After everything you’ve put him through?”

“Look, I know I messed up. I know I did. I can't undo it, but I can try to make it right. Just give me a chance to apologize.”

“You think you can really apologize? After 14 years?!” Kenny snapped, anger burning in his eyes and drenching every word. “He was a fucking wreck after you had gone. It took years for him to even resemble a human being again. I don’t know how you did it, but you royally fucked that kid up. He can’t even hold down a stable relationship because he’s _still_ not over you! And then you come back here, after 14 years, to open that same wound. Not only open it, but make it worse! As if that was even possible! And now, thanks to your glorious reappearance, he’s moving tomorrow! And the people who cared about him all these years, the people who actually stuck around and gave a shit, are going to be left behind!” Kenny gripped the side of the door until his knuckles turned white. “Fuck you, Craig. Everything you touch turns to shit.”

“Kenny, please.” Craig said, reaching out to stop the door from closing. “I know you hate me. And you have every reason to. But I need to see him.”

“How heartbroken does he have to be until you’re satisfied?!”

“I didn’t-”

“If you really want to do good by Tweek, you’d get the hell out of South Park.” Kenny said, putting his hands on his hips. “You’d leave him alone and never try to get in contact with him again. He’s spent too long trying to get over you. And all you’ve done is make things worse for him.”

Fury bubbled in Craig’s chest and seeped up his throat, filling his face with heat. Kenny may only be looking out for his friend, but Craig knew Tweek was stronger than he was giving him credit for.

Craig shook his head and curled his hands into tight fists. “No.”

Kenny’s lips pulled into a frown. “Excuse me?”

“No!” Craig shouted. “I love Tweek, and I’m not leaving until you tell me where he is.”

Kenny stared hard at him, his gaze drifting up and down his body. “Why?”

Craig arched his brow. “Why?”

“Tell me why you love Tweek,” Kenny said with a smirk. “Then maybe - maybe - I’ll tell you where he is.”

Craig’s eyes widened. “What- really?”

Kenny leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. “You have 1 minute.”

Craig’s throat went dry as he wrestled with the idea of pouring his heart out to Kenny - the one person who probably hated him more than he hated himself. Kenny stood silently, judging eyes boring into Craig’s soul, making him squirm and his stomach give an uneasy lurch.

“I love him because… because he’s so unabashedly… him. I’ve never met someone who wears their heart on their sleeve quite like he does. And its the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. He’s so honest and, and compassionate. I know his imperfections and I love him anyways. Hell, his faults make me love him more! Ever since coming here, ever since seeing him again, I feel like there’s still good in the world, like all of this mess is worth living. I forgot I could even feel that way.”

Craig could hear his own heart drumming in his ears as the words he’d kept hidden behind lock and key continued to pour from his lips. “My world was black before him. It was like I was stumbling around in the dark, going through life wearing monochrome lenses thinking that was how the world was meant to be. But then a spark went off and suddenly everything was drenched in brilliant light. My world was illuminated! Colors I didn’t even know existed ignited in front of me and it was absolutely terrifying but so fucking beautiful at the same time! And now that I know the world can look like that, I don’t want to go back to the darkness.

“I know I did something really shitty to him, and it took me too long to figure out just how much he really means to me. But Tweek is my light! I’m in love with him and I want to stay by his side. I’ve never been so sure of something in my entire life! And If you give me the chance to see him again, a chance to set things right, I swear I will cherish him with everything I have.”

Craig was out of breath by the time the minute was up. He swallowed dryly, shocked by his own words. He’d never been good at expressing himself, but he guessed when it came to Tweek, he was capable of more than he thought.

“You’re such a sap, Tucker.” Kenny grimaced, wrinkling his nose. “I’m going to forget I even asked.”

“Are you going to tell me where he is?”

“Well, I mean- fuck.” Kenny slid his hand down his face and peered at him through the cracks in his fingers. “I hate you Craig,” he said in an exhale. “I really fucking hate you.”

“Please, Kenny,” Craig pleaded, his eyes wide and searching. “I’m supposed to leave for Denver tonight. If I don’t see him now, I don’t think I will ever have a chance to again.”

Kenny scoffed then was quiet for a few seconds. He folded his arms again and gave him a long, serious look. “Cow Day’s,” he finally said. “He’s at Cow Day’s.”

“Thank you, Kenny! Thank you!” Overwhelmed by sheer gratitude, and the possibility Kenny didn’t hate him as much as he thought, Craig threw himself onto Kenny and wrapped him in a tight hug that left him standing on his toes.

Kenny’s body turned ridged from the sudden, unwelcome contact. “Gross, Tucker!” He said, struggling to free himself. “Get off of me!”

Craig dropped him back on his feet then flashed him a beaming smile. Before Kenny could even catch his breath, Craig was already half way down the street. 

The sun had dipped behind the treetops by the time he made it out of SodoSopa and the street light began to flicker on. His pulse quickened with every step. Fear, anxiety, but most of all, hope dominated his thoughts and shot adrenaline through his veins.

The fairgrounds sat on a massive plot of land, nestled between two mountains that shot up into the sky. Cars filled the expansive parking lot and spilled out into the adjacent neighborhood. Excitement buzzed through the tall gates, mingling with the occasional happy scream that pierced the air.

Craig craned his neck up to see the flashing neon sign of ‘Cow Day’s’ posted overhead. The sights and sounds swirled into one as his attention drew to the countless, blurry faces shuffling to and from the attractions.

Craig was so overwhelmed he almost didn’t realize the man in the ticket booth was speaking to him.

“5 dollar entry fee,” he grumbled.

Craig fished into his pocket and placed a crumbled bill into the man’s palm, his gaze still flickering from nameless face to nameless face. He took a long, purposeful stride onto the dirt-packed path of the fairgrounds and sucked in a shuddering breath. It was going to take more than luck to find Tweek, it was going to take a miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update! The app I was using was out of date and when I dragged my writing folder into blank space, it deleted everything T_T   
> Including the new fic I was already 7 chapters deep into TT_TT  
> So I had to rewrite this and the next two chapters TTT_TTT  
> But reading your comments gave me the encouragement to keep writing! Thank you all so, so much!


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